Indian Matchmaking: Sima Taparia's disparaging comment on Nick-Priyanka shows old habits die hard

For a show that opens with the line ‘marriage is first, love second’ - comments on Priyanka-Nick’s age difference are not very surprising. One would expect Sima Taparia aunty to have learnt a thing or two from the response the first season of Indian Matchmaking got and perhaps, updated herself to keep up with the modern day syntax. On the contrary, Sima Taparia from Mumbai is just as problematic as she was in the first season, if not more. This time too, she is echoing the same line that went insanely viral after the first season - ‘you just have to adjust a little, then life becomes beautiful.’

The viewers try hard to adjust to Sima aunty’s regressive views on marriage and culture, but the season doesn’t really become ‘beautiful’ but more difficult to endure as it progresses. In the second episode of the second season, Sima aunty visits her former client Nadia - who tells her about a man she is dating who is younger to her. “Two-three years okay, but seven years younger…I mean, they’ll not be…because they’ll have a difference. Matureness is very important. You are more mature because you are seven years older. So I think we’ll drop Vishal,” says Sima aunty.

Nadia gave PeeCee-Nick’s example to counter her argument. “But I don’t feel it’s a good match. Sorry to tell you that. They have married, but it’s not a good match. He looks so small and petite in front of her, and she looks elder.” Sima added in her confessional, “Nadia liked Vishal because he was a cute and attractive boy. But I think she should see more things than this in a boy.”

The comments didn’t go down well with Desis as they were quick to call out Sima aunty for being ageist, sexist and also body-shaming Nick without being subtle about it. Sima Aunty’s comments, however, hold up a mirror to the Brown community and just how hateful Desis can be to their own people.

When Desis Stand Up For Desis

The Brown community or Desis - as we call ourselves - are known for sticking by each other through thick and thin. Remember how everyone - from Shehnaaz Gill in India to Lilly Singh in the US condemned the brutal and gruesome murder of Sidhu Moose Wala? Or how the entire Indian community erupted in joy when Slumdog Millionaire won the Oscar in 2009? Desis don’t really claim that they are the most progressive of the lot. Of course, there are problems within the community that must be addressed and us Desis don’t hesitate from calling out our own people and holding them accountable.

It is important to note that Desis who represent our culture to the West - the likes of PeeCee, Sima Aunty, Mindy Kaling need to be extra careful of how they project their community as it might affect how the West perceives us - not that their approval matters but it won’t be wrong to expect celebs to practice restraint when it comes to commenting on public figures.

Sima Aunty’s disparaging comments on PeeCee-Nick are hurtful not only because they are ageist and sexist but also because it is a Desi commenting on a Desi and giving them hate for no reason. In times when Desis constantly have to constantly work twice as hard to carve a place for themselves in the West, Desis like Sima aunty portray our community in a negative light and set us back a thousand years. Shouldn’t Desis stick up for each other in times of need? Shouldn’t we defend our own when the West is already giving us so much hate?

One would expect the likes of Sima Aunty to protect Priyanka from the volley of hate comments directed at her like a wall - but instead, she contributes to the hate PeeCee and Nick receive for no apparent reason. To say that it is tone deaf and very, very unbecoming of Sima aunty would be an understatement.

Holding Desis Accountable

There is, of course, much brouhaha over Sima Aunty’s sexist, ageist and tone-deaf comment on Nick-Priyanka’s marriage. But we’d be lying to ourselves if we say that our moms, aunts and even uncles haven’t been saying the same thing in our living rooms. From the time the couple got hitched back in 2018, they have been receiving brickbats from their very own community - particularly the middle-aged men and women who are not very up to date with the modern syntax and aren’t as progressive. From inappropriate comments on how Priyanka looks like Nick’s mom (which she even joked about in The Jonas Brothers Roast) to simply age-shaming a star who crossed over to the US and represented our community on the global stage - not just Sima aunty, but our own mothers and aunts have given the couple a tough time.

If Sima aunty said something all our mothers have been saying all these years, how can we really blame her? Or how can we blame only her? Why is it that we, as Desis, go against celebs from our own community and are more vicious than we generally are to, say, an American celeb? Is it because like all Desi parents our expectations from them are high? Is it because we still aren’t as progressive as we claim to be? Or is it both?

In addition to holding Sima aunty accountable, we must hold our families accountable and educate them on how damaging body shaming and age shaming can be. Of course, being the global superstar that Priyanka is, it wouldn’t really bother her about what a single Brown household thinks of her marriage. However, when age-shaming, body-shaming and unsolicited personal comments on someone’s love life become a pattern, there is a problem that must be addressed.

Deepansh Duggal is an entertainment, pop-culture and trends writer based in New Delhi. He specializes in op-eds based on the socio-political and gender issues in the world of entertainment and showbiz. He also writes explainers and occasionally reviews shows in the OTT space. He tweets at @Deepansh75. 

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