Priyanka Chopra, Dhinchak Pooja: A conversation about trolls, legs and the internet

Editor’s note: The first response to Priyanka Chopra meeting Narendra Modi in Berlin was a barrage of messages that said, ‘how could you show your legs to the PM?’. Never mind that this took away focus from the fact that you can never really have a coincidental meeting with the Prime Minister of India. In fact it was something that followed Chopra’s meeting that should have gotten everyone’s attention .

However, Chopra made it amply clear she needs no-one to stand up for her. She can do it herself, without really even standing up .

On the other of the spectrum, is a girl who needs no introduction. Up until last night, if you happened to be on Dhinchak Pooja’s Facebook page, you would see screenshots of people who have messaged her with the choicest of abuses. They have since been deleted by Facebook, but we chanced upon (much milder versions of) some comments that should give an idea of what she must be facing daily. 

These two incidents are not mutually exclusive. They basically mean only one thing: it doesn’t matter if you’re Priyanka Chopra or Dhichak Pooja, nobody on the internet can escape the average Indian’s idea of what women “should be”. You could be a global icon and a great actor, or you could be the current latest manifestation of cringe pop, nobody is spared the patriarchy.

Taher Shah is considered “funny” and (sarcastically) “my jam”,  Gurmeet Ram Rahim is being nominated for a Dronacharya award, but Dhinchak Pooja should kill herself by coming under a truck, according to several Facebook comments. Meanwhile, you could be on the cover of Time magazine but it means squat if you happen to wear a dress in front of the Indian Prime Minister. 

But let’s move beyond the outrage for a moment.

What if amid all this noise, Priyanka Chopra and Dhinchak Pooja are actually hiding in a bar trying to get a drink after a long hard day? How do they feel about the opinions people have about them?

We happened to be a fly on the wall as that conversation took place, and let’s just say that both Pooja and Priyanka are very well aware of their power to go viral.

(Disclaimer: this conversation completely imaginary, much like an Indian man who doesn’t mansplain)

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DP: Aaj toh hadd hi ho gaya, sister. 

PC: (sighs) I know, rrrrrighhh?

DP: Sar pe mere rehta taaj, par log mujhe marrne ko kyun keh rahe hai? (sips her mojeetoe)

PC: Well, darling, at least you don’t have to constantly answer to your publicist, who should really be the one to get trolled, ya’ know whadimean?

DP: Maine toh mere trolls ko bol diya, bhai tu toh rehne de. Jaana nahi main kaun hoon?

PC: Well, from one singer to another, it always helps to be diplomatic. Just answer them back with a body part. Armpit, leg, what have you.

DP: No thenks, I’ll not have anything abhi.

PC: (smiles) I wish I had yourrrr innocence.

DP: I wish I could be Priyanka Chopra someday.

(They both take a moment of silence. The phone buzzes, and both reach for their bags but stop mid-way.)

DP: Sister aapne promise kiya tha.

PC: But prawmises are meant to be broken!

DP: Nahi, aap aise nahi kar sakte. No phones, means no phones.

PC: Okay fine, I’ll listen to you this one time. Anyway, I’m getting a Skype call on my Miami number. I can ignore it now that Baywatch has released.

DP: Sister, how about a collab? My singing, your fame — or your singing, my fame. Kya combination hoga na?

PC: I know you are trying to distract me, but it’s not working.

DP: Mere paas purfect song bhi hai. Gaaon?

PC_:_ Why not_._ 

DP: Exotic…..selfie main le li aaj, selfie maine le li aa—

PC: (interrupts) Great!

DP: Aapko pasand nahi aaya?

PC: No, it’s not that. I’m just trying to pawnderrr about why my legs are suddenly the talk of the innernet.

DP: They’re just jealous, sister. Look at mah FB timeline. Sirf gaali hi gaali hai.

PC: Don’t worry gurrl. Haters gonna hate. But now I have to deal with the fact that half the pahpulation of my country opposes what I wear. I have to do something about it.

DP: But first let me take selfie?

PC: Good idea, let me call my mom.

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