The Moderate Mahila Mandate: Why Ranveer’s bum has cracked open the very serious national issue of female sexuality

From Ranveer Singh ’s primordial images to Masaba’s hilarious “pussy quivers” to Arpita’s crorepatni sex toys, it’s been a lascivious week for the women of India. Finally! Nidhi’s timely laughter said it all. The guttural yearning that is critical in the female experience, but completely sidelined. The coquettish female gaze tossed into nothingness by old-fashioned gender binaries. Because women today are doing many things, but acknowledging their sexuality still makes society skittish. That’s why, while it may seem nonsensical and facetious, the entire fracas over Ranveer’s bum has cracked open something no one wants to talk about––the tertiary but pertinent issue of female pleasure. Yes, as people who are pathologically devoted to marriage, we hate free-range vaginas. Because our vaginas are the fountainhead of shame and guilt, single-handedly responsible for the entire family’s reputation, and all that jazz, right? So, we tuck it away behind closed doors, as we tend to do with all female-related matters. Forgetting that around 30% of porn users In India are women, the third highest in the world. This means that––except for the mighty Brazilians and Filipinos––our women are watching more porn than anyone else in the world! That for a few minutes each day they can set aside gol-gol chapattis, needy kids, demanding in-laws, exasperating bosses, and indifferent husbands to devote to themselves. What we also forget is that the entire circle of female pleasure is now in control of women’s fingertips. We don’t even need men for it! From vibrators to porn to donors—we can pleasure and procreate without men. In case you forget––men need an entire hand for their gratification, women just need a finger. After all, with great responsibility comes great power. Despite all this, female sexuality remains repressed. A cloak of silence surrounds women’s sexual identity. It’s impossible to be a sexually liberal woman in India, and still be respected, as the Chaubey-fied Sunny Leone experienced first-hand. Women are raised to believe in their own shamefulness, whether it’s a rural woman who is not allowed to uncover her face in front of an unrelated man, or a city slicker who is called out for her bra strap showing. It doesn’t help that sexual literacy in our country is nil. I remember some erotica writers telling me of the small-town ladies they interviewed, who didn’t even know what an orgasm was! They thought that the G-spot was short for Gold Spot and facials involved Veet bleach. Some of these women had been married for decades! It’s been a long historical fall from the erotic celebration of Khajuraho to the prudery of today. What exacerbates this problem of sexual independence in women is that it often draws upon the idea of desire, which doesn’t only have to be defined as romantic nor sexual, but also an urge to do something. Is this urge missing in Indian women as they continue to pin their desire onto the matrix of societal expectations? When they think that abnegating their needs is the only way forward to raise a happy family? When they’re stigmatized and shamed for even relishing the images of a best-selling sex object? Female desire is treated shabbily, as nothing but naught. We have fought for rights in the boardroom, but what about the bedroom? The only way for Indian women to use their sexuality the way they want to, without feeling ashamed of being sexual beings, is to reimagine female pleasure. To enable an understanding of women’s desires and consciousness. To develop it so its male colonisation can be ended. Because, frankly, women are bored of pandering to the saturated imagery that is led by men. The male gaze looks; the female body is looked at. The female gaze is not like that. Pleasure for women is not just about the body, but also the mind, as the Kama Sutra also states. It is singular to us. It sees people as people. It seeks to empathize rather than to objectify. It doesn’t devour and control; it relishes, informs and empathises. It is nuanced. It is relational. It is emotional and intimate After all, our bodies have been on the other side of it—the male history of gazing—throughout, well, history. Female sexuality is also not dangerous, like male sexuality. It is not threatening. It doesn’t molest, harass, assault or rape. Did Ranveer receive rape threats for his nude pictures? Wouldn’t Deepika have, if she’d done the same? Yet, we suppress female sexuality, while everyday men are allowed to whip out their penises and masturbate in public? Haven’t we suffered long enough for having desires normal to the human experience, and better than its rampant half? Women have finally started demanding more out of things: jobs, husbands, conversations, and lingerie. Perhaps it’s time someone stepped up the ante for our sexuality as well. Perhaps it’s time to finally set the vagina free? I can picture dog-eared photos of naked Ranveer stashed away under many a lady’s bed, next to their copies of Fifty Shades of Grey. And why not? In the era of equality and feminism, it’s time we made ‘sex ok please’ for the women of India, while relishing the female gaze. We all deserve it.  Meghna Pant is a multiple award-winning and bestselling author, screenwriter, columnist and speaker, whose latest novel BOYS DON’T CRY (Penguin Random House) will soon be seen on screen.  Read all the  Latest News ,  Trending News ,  Cricket News ,  Bollywood News ,  India News  and  Entertainment News  here. Follow us on  Facebook,  Twitter and  Instagram