What is solo polyamory? How is it different from traditional polyamory?

With ever-changing times, relationships are also evolving.

From micro-mance to future-proofing and mid-age intimacy, the latest trend in dating and relationships this year is solo polyamory.

Here’s what it means.

What is solo polyamory?

To put it simply, a solo polyamorist is a person who leads a solo life while maintaining several intimate connections.

Essentially, it is about engaging in moral non-monogamy without necessarily settling in, living together, or combining plans with a primary partner.

Solo polyamorists prioritise their uniqueness and respect their freedom while developing meaningful and compatible love or sexual relationships with multiple people.

The term became well-known thanks to the journalist Amy Gahran’s blog Solopoly.net, which she wrote under the pen name Aggie Sez, according to BBC.

“Riding the relationship escalator (or not)” was the title of her initial blog entry, which was published in 2012.

She wrote a book on the subject, Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator: Uncommon Love and Life, about five years later.

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This “escalator,” according to Gahran, is “the default set of societal customs for the proper conduct of intimate relationships” — that is, relationships that seek traditional life signs, such as moving in with a partner, combining finances, becoming engaged, getting married, and starting a family.

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How is it different from polyamory?

Polyamory is the practice of having several spouses at the same time.

It can take various forms and is frequently anchored in culture or religion.

Contrarily, solo polyamory entails maintaining one’s independence while engaging in several romantic or sexual relationships.

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Additionally, it differs from traditional polyamory in that individuals may have more than one partner and be a part of a network of interconnected partners known as polycule.

These partnerships may entail long-term commitments or shared living situations.

In contrast, solo polyamory keeps an individualistic approach to the idea by excluding cohabitation.

Solo poly people are stereotyped as being “selfish, avoidant, or [messed] up in many ways,” according to Zhana Vrangalova, a sex researcher and consultant based in New York, who spoke to the BBC.

Many of the stigmas associated with solo polyamory stem from a general ignorance of the reasons why some people would not desire a traditional, so-called “serious” relationship.

Solo polyamory is defined by no regard for relationship standards like as marriage and having children, which are also considered indicators of adulthood.

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Why is it trending?

Solo polyamory is popular for a number of reasons.

Finding a balance between independence and connection is important to some people.

But for others, it is a means of discovering love without having to follow obligations or social expectations.

A 2023 Bumble study also found that around 60 per cent of Indian singles believe that ethical non-monogamy relationships, such polygamy and open relationships, are the way of the future.

How do you know if the trend is suitable for you?

Solo polyamory is not suitable for everyone.

According to Vrangalova, conducting personality tests might help people identify the relationship style or styles that would be most suitable for them.

Solo polyamory may be worth looking into if you like the notion of balancing personal independence with meaningful relationships.

It is a relationship style that demonstrates that you do not have to choose between love and uniqueness.

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Which other relationship trends are gaining popularity?

Future Proofing: It is an idea that is used to determine the stability and longevity of your relationship. It entails posing significant queries, such as priorities and life goals.

Future Faking: In the manipulative dating trend, one person goes to great lengths to create false promises about a future together, but they have no actual goal of keeping them.

Pocketing: This describes a case in which one partner keeps the other “in their pocket,” away from their social network, by refusing to introduce them to friends and relatives.

Collaborative dating: This trend involves developing a relationship and bond with your partner while doing other things together, such as watching movies or listening to music.

With inputs from agencies