No love or sex? What are Japan’s ‘friendship marriages’ all about?

What’s the secret to a successful marriage? The obvious answer is love. But is that the correct one? Not if you ask young Japanese.

Being in love or having a sexual relationship is no longer a must-have. An increasing number of youngsters are turning to modern-day marriage – seeking a platonic union without love or sex. They are calling it a “friendship marriage”.

With more and more people refraining from the idea of a traditional union, this new marital trend has many takers. Around 12,40,000 Japanese are potential candidates for this arrangement as per Colours, the first and only agency in the country that deals with friendship marriages. Since its establishment in March 2015, approximately 500 members have forged a “friendship marriage” through the agency, with some even venturing into parenthood, according to a South China Morning Post (SCMP) report.

Is it about marrying your best friend?

Well, not exactly.

“It is not about traditional romantic love or marrying a best friend,” the SCMP report said, defining friendship marriages as “a cohabitating relationship based on shared interests and values.”

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Being a legal spouse is a mere formality in such relationships as partners are not in love or are sexually involved with each other. In fact, there is freedom to engage in romantic relationships with others outside the marriage, provided there is mutual consent.

After marriage, the couple can choose to live together or separately. In terms of having a kid, they choose other artificial ways such as insemination.

“I’m not suited to be someone’s girlfriend, but I can be a good friend. I only wanted someone with similar tastes to do things we both enjoy, to chat and laugh with,” a person involved in friendship marriage told SCMP.

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How does this work?

Before tying the knot, couples often invest hours or even days in deliberating the details of their shared life. Topics range from mundane tasks like meal arrangements and expense division to chores like laundry duties and even the allocation of refrigerator space.

“Friendship marriage is like finding a roommate with similar interests,” someone who has been in such an arrangement for three years explained to the publication.

While these discussions may seem un-romantic, they play a pivotal role in fostering harmony within the relationship. According to Colours, around 80 per cent of couples who engage in such discussions live together happily and expand their family with children in many instances.

Who is embracing the trend?

According to the Japanese Cabinet Office, approximately 75 per cent of Japanese individuals in their 30s still consider marriage a significant life goal. Friendship marriages can be an alternative for some young adults, who don’t believe in traditional norms or romantic relationships but are subjected to it because of societal pressures. It helps them present a “stable and mature” image for career advancement or to please their parents.

Individuals showing interest in friendship marriages typically have an average age of 32.5 years and earn incomes surpassing the national average. According to Colorus, approximately 85 per cent of them have at least a bachelor’s degree.

This trend is also popular among men and women who identify themselves as asexual or homosexual. Asexuals, who lack sexual desire or romantic attraction, still seek connection and companionship. Meanwhile, homosexuals may view friendship marriages as an alternative due to the absence of legal recognition of same-sex marriage in Japan.

For certain women, this emerging trend serves as a means to capitalise on tax advantages. In Japan, marriage offers tax benefits, and single women face significant challenges in starting families. Over 70 pe rcent of individuals in friendship marriages enter into such unions to have children, SCMP reports.

While these relationships occasionally conclude in divorce, the benefits extend to policy advantages, companionship, and “helping those who feel lost, dislike traditional marriage, or consider themselves social outcasts”, Colorus was quoted as saying by the publication.

With inputs from agencies