Can separate homes keep love alive? The ‘living apart together’ trend explained

“I love you, but I also love my personal space.”

This perfectly sums up the ‘Living Apart Together’ (LAT) trend.

Today, relationships are about more than just love between two people.

This arrangement is similar to how couples live before marriage, choosing to stay apart while maintaining their relationship.

It allows people to pursue their own lives, focus on their ambitions, and prioritise personal growth, all while remaining committed to each other.

What is the ‘Living Apart Together’ trend? How does it work?

‘Living Apart Together’ relationship trend explained

Living Apart Together (LAT) is a growing trend among committed and married couples in the West, where partners deliberately choose not to live together to maintain independence and keep their relationship dynamic.

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This arrangement helps avoid conflicts over household chores, differing sleep patterns, and, most importantly, the balance between personal space and shared time.

In many conservative societies, this remains the standard setup for unmarried couples who live separately in their own homes.

The LAT lifestyle is increasingly popular among those over 60, Elisabeth Shaw, a clinical and counselling psychologist and CEO of Relationships Australia New South Wales, told The Guardian.

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She said, “For people who have had a lot of relationship experience or life experience, it’s about saying, ‘I can really love this person … but I no longer am driven by the need to do the conventional relationship and all the implications that come from that, such as being a carer, giving up property, sharing finances.”

For couples embracing this trend, physical separation is a reality, but how do they sustain their emotional and romantic connection?

Let’s find out:

How does LAT work?

For couples who practice this lifestyle, maintaining separate homes is key to a lasting, fulfilling relationship and even marriage.

Just as many people are delaying marriage and parenthood, some are also redefining how they approach married life. For those who have spent their twenties and thirties single and living independently, adjusting to cohabitation can be challenging.

Sherrie Sims Allen, a psychologist and relationship expert based in Los Angeles, told Brides Magazine, “I see it as a possible growing trend as singles look at ways to connect that won’t cost them their preferred lifestyle or way of life.”

These couples may live in the same building, the same housing complex, or even different cities - just not under one roof. Their arrangement is mutually agreed upon, allowing for flexibility in how they spend time together, such as setting aside specific days or weekends to meet, go out, or travel. Unlike in a separation, they remain committed and maintain open communication.

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Is it similar to long-distance relationships?

Although both involve living apart, they are fundamentally different. LAT couples make a deliberate choice to live separately, believing this arrangement strengthens their relationship, according to Brides Magazine.

Meanwhile, long-distance relationships are typically shaped by external factors such as work, education, or family obligations that prevent partners from living together. As a result, they see each other less frequently and are less integrated into each other’s daily lives.

Does LAT work better for older couples?

Studies suggest that leaving a marriage can seriously affect mental health. For those who choose to live separately, a relationship is not about constant togetherness but about maintaining a meaningful connection while preserving personal space.

Yang Hu, a professor at Lancaster University, stated, “It is time we see and recognise the power of intimate, often invisible connections, beyond the home, to sustain the well-being of older adults."

For individuals who value independence and clear relationship boundaries, this arrangement can be beneficial.

A UK study published in December found that older couples in LAT relationships experience better mental well-being than those who remain single. Their emotional satisfaction is comparable to that of married couples, without the everyday pressures of cohabitation.

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Why do some couples want to live apart together?

For many, this arrangement offers a balance between me time and couple time. It allows partners to enjoy personal space, pursue individual interests, and still look forward to meaningful moments together.

1. Autonomy and personal growth: Living separately can encourage independence and personal happiness. Without the distractions of cohabitation, partners can focus on their own ambitions and self-development.

2. To maintain the relationship’s spark: Having their own space helps couples keep the excitement alive. Rather than falling into a routine, their time together feels more intentional and special.

3. Professional demands: Career obligations may also lead couples to opt for LAT, allowing them to maintain their relationship without compromising their professional aspirations.

4. Opportunity for self-discovery: This arrangement gives individuals the freedom to explore their own interests and identities outside of the relationship. Personal growth in turn strengthens the partnership.

Why is this a growing trend

This arrangement enables couples to maintain intimacy while preserving their independence, and several factors contribute to its increasing popularity.

A key reason for choosing LAT is the desire for autonomy. Many individuals prioritise their personal space and routines, which can often be disrupted by cohabitation.

Career commitments also play a major role in this trend. As professional demands grow, couples may focus on their careers, making shared living arrangements less practical.