The invisible septuagenarians and the octogenarians: We don’t belong any longer, our stories barely have any listeners

Loneliness is the all-encompassing modern mental trauma a human being will endure at some point in life. This subject is less discussed when the going is good. But, the trauma of invisibility affects the brain and all other major body parts acutely.

Being alone for the elderly is soon going to become a pandemic. This is something that society has to learn to embrace along with the development it is making within the country.

 There were nearly 138 million elderly persons in India in 2021, according to the Report of the Technical Group on Population Projections for India and States 2011-2036.

 Asia was known to have the joint family concept. But soon the realisation began as families acknowledged this to be an economic issue. The population surge that India witnessed, resulted in unemployment and other social malaise. The country was unable to handle or provide for a system that large families could fall back upon.

Soon the concept of ‘Ham do Hamare do’ was encouraged by the government. Also, as more women joined the workforce, they refused to give birth to more children. As per the fifth round of the National Family Health Survey, India’s Total Fertility Rate has declined from 2.2 in 2015-16 to 2.0 in 2019-21.

 This in turn caused a breakdown of the joint family system in India, thereby reducing the support structure in families. The smaller family definitely increased its individual financial mobility. This nuclear family system had access to better opportunities and was willing to forsake the support system that it could earlier fall back upon.

 For the ones who embraced the nuclear family structure, the idea of being in a system where the elders have the last word was also not acceptable any longer.

 At a certain level, it appears to be the right path to progress. But on the flip side, the isolation that nuclear families face in times of crisis is insurmountable.

 Death of a spouse, separation or being single is not the ideal situation in a nuclear setup. They are expected to fend for themselves and also manage their personal issues. The extended family becomes like friends who visit but are unable to take major decisions or responsibilities in times of a crisis.

 The average age of an Indian today has increased to 70 years in comparison to the past. Healthcare and medicines help eradicate diseases. Thus creating a longer life span.

 Also, the aspirational class of Indians have managed to send their children to study abroad. This in turn has caused an empty nest syndrome that the child or the parent at a younger age does not address. In such cases, the elderly are left to a system that is still in its nascent stage to provide care and companionship.

 The expectations from the elderly in a nuclear family remain unspoken. Often they are expected to manage their ailments by themselves.

 Ms Mira Chatterjee, a lady in her late 70s, says, “We don’t belong any longer, our stories barely have any listeners.”

 Ms Chatterjee is a widow with her only child, who is married and lives in the UK. Her daughter has her own family commitments and can’t keep travelling back and forth. This leaves Chatterjee fending for herself. She has found a group of youngsters in the apartment block who helped her during COVID. Her house-cleaning lady and cook didn’t turn up when the pandemic broke out. The trauma the lady had to face was writ all over her face.

 Many parents who are geriatrics don’t have the required support that they need. The dependence to go to the hospital or even to buy their basic needs is often an arduous task, which needs planning and a lot of thought.

Very few among the elderly are tech savvy enough to be able to order their groceries or medicines online.

 With the rise in the elderly population, companies like Goodfellows by the Tatas are a light in the darkness of old age. Their initiative will not only aid elderly in coming out of loneliness but also will provide them with a sense of purpose. This is also a great move towards acknowledging the glaring depression found among them.

 Mr D’Costa, a Goan settled in Bangalore, says: “I miss my wife, she passed away four years ago. I miss her company and the long walks we did each evening together.”

 He showed restraint in opening up to a stranger on behalf of a company.

 Mr D’Costa finds himself at a loss in trusting people with his home or his health issues.

 The truth is that the elderly population are many times not easy or open to accepting help unless they are totally incapable of managing their chores.

 In India, we have only recently begun to address the issues of a growing population.

We definitely need more stories, films and a system within the government and private healthcare sector. A system that will address their plight without making them feel lesser or unattended.

 The geriatrics are invisible to society at large. But one cannot reject this reality.

 There are companies like ElderAid in Bangalore whose nursing services are in demand.

 According to Santosh Abraham, co-founder, COO ElderAid Wellness Pvt Ltd, “The pandemic served as a shocking wake-up call to the realities of social isolation. The truth is, many elders in India lack regular socialising, and the events of the past couple of years have made the situation even worse. We received numerous phone calls and messages on a regular basis from elders who were depressed, anxious, and worried — these emotions even began manifesting as physical ailments like elevated blood pressure, migraines, and weakened immunity.”

Highlighting further on how spending quality time with elders can go a long way in improving their mental health, he said, “Our elders want nothing more than to sit and talk to a friend over a cup of tea or watch a movie with someone. It’s the small moments of togetherness and companionship that bring them the biggest joy. Our Care Saathi programme pairs an elder with one such friend — a young, enthusiastic individual who is looking to spend time with a senior citizen and hopefully, brighten both their days!”

 Grandchildren help grandparents live an emotionally stable life. Grandchildren in turn can learn many valuable life lessons from their elders. It is a win-win situation that needs to be established by parents right from the start.

 Mohua Chinappa is an author and a podcaster of a show called The Mohua Show. Views expressed are personal.

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