Let’s Talk About Women | Why Sushmita Sen dating Lalit Modi is making us so uncomfortable

Remember how soon after Priyanka Chopra married Nick Jonas in December 2018, an article on The Cut called her a “modern-day scam artist?” Written by Mariah Smith and titled “ Is Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas’ Love for Real?” it called Chopra a “money-minded celebrity who calculatingly married Nick Jonas thinking it as a powerful move towards her career.” Aiming several low-brow digs at Chopra, it claimed that she lured Jonas into a “fraudulent relationship against his will” when all he wanted was “a possible fling with Hollywood’s latest It Woman.” The article was slammed by readers across the world who called it out for being racist, sexist, and xenophobic. The reaction to such unadulterated, undeserved vitriol spewed at Chopra was so strong that The Cut was forced to update it, removing all objectionable mentions of Chopra and then hours later, finally delete it. If you search the piece online today, it will redirect you to a page on The Cut’s website that’s titled “Editor’s Note: Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas.” It features a picture of the couple, under which is written: “Last night, the Cut published a post about Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra’s relationship that shouldn’t have gone up. We’ve received dozens of messages from readers expressing their anger. We want you to know that we hear you and we’re sorry. The whole piece missed the mark. There is no good explanation for this other than human error and poor judgment. This was a mistake, and we apologize to our readers and to Priyanka and Nick.” Smith, too, tweeted an apology soon after. [caption id=“attachment_10918031” align=“alignnone” width=“640”]  Lalit Modi and Sushmita Sen[/caption] Four years later, Sushmita Sen , another beauty queen turned actor, is facing similar hate for choosing to date a rich but controversial man 12 years her senior. Ever since Lalit Modi, the first chairman of the Indian Premier League, shared pictures of their family vacation in Maldives and Sardinia last week and announced their relationship, social media has gone into a tizzy, calling Sen a “gold digger” for deciding to couple up with a “fugitive” of questionable repute. Though Chopra chose to ignore the filth thrown at her by The Cut article, Sen has hit back. In a recent Instagram post, she wrote, “It’s heartbreaking to see just how miserable and unhappy the world around us is becoming. The so-called intellectuals with their idiosyncrasies, the ignorant with their cheap and at times funny gossip, the friends I never had and the acquaintances I’ve never met, all sharing their grand opinions and deep knowledge of my life and character, monetizing the ‘gold digger’ all the way. Ah, these geniuses.” “I dig deeper than gold. I’ve always (famously) preferred diamonds. And yes, I still buy them myself,” she added. But why Sushmita Sen dating Lalit Modi is making us so uncomfortable? This whole furor after their announcement is missing the mark. I agree with The Cut’s editor. There is no good explanation for this other than human error and poor judgment. This time, on our part. Why is it so difficult for us to see a single, independent woman make her own choices and live the life she wants? Let’s assume, for the sake of argument, that it turns out to be a misstep. So what? Everyone has the right to make their own share of mistakes. If anything, our learnings from them propel us forward, and make us wiser, more empathetic, and accepting of ourselves and everyone else around us. Netizens may not realize it but their trolling Sen has reduced them to the lot they can’t bear to tolerate themselves—snoopy relatives who find it difficult to keep their noses in their pie. So we have become the people we hate, our metamorphosis now complete. This news shouldn’t have come as a shock, especially in the context of Sen, who has led a life unlike anyone else. At 24 when she was cementing her place in Bollywood, she adopted her first daughter Renee, and then her second, Alisah, 10 years later, changing several laws in the process and making adoption of the girl child a part of the cultural conversation. In a recent interview with Twinkle Khanna, Sen revealed how she came close to getting married thrice but decided against it each time because her partners turned out to be let-downs. In 2014, she fell severely ill and was diagnosed with Addison’s disease, a rare long-term endocrine disorder that causes adrenal deficiency. Just when people were beginning to write her off, Sen made a whistle-worthy comeback in 2020, the kind that the best of actors dream of but rarely get. Ram Madhvani’s Aarya (it went on to bag an International Emmy nomination!) put her back on the map and Sen made the audiences realize once more that she’s here to stay. After two blockbuster seasons, they are currently gearing up for the third’s shoot. But why am I droning on about her professional achievements? To corroborate what she said—that she needs no Modi to buy her diamonds or anything else. But what’s wrong even if she did? Aren’t we the same people who have normalized dowry over the years? I have not seen or heard of even one instance where a man or his family has felt the need to justify their taking money (in cash or kind) from the girl’s side. If anything, there is smugness galore. We may wake up to inspirational stuff on Instagram, and talk of climate change and gender equality, but in India, even today, our financial standing decides the kind of spouse we are eligible for, especially in arranged matrimonial matches. Then why the hypocrisy? You celebrate it if your wife or daughter-in-law’s parents gift her jewelry, a new car, or a flat in the suburbs but you chuckle and troll if a Sushmita Sen decides to date a man reportedly richer than her or if a Priyanka Chopra marries an American 10 years younger than her. Step out of your policing of convenience for a minute and you’ll see. The joke is not on them. It’s on you. When not reading books or watching films, Sneha Bengani writes about them. She tweets at @benganiwrites. Read all the  Latest News ,  Trending News ,  Cricket News ,  Bollywood News ,  India News  and  Entertainment News  here. Follow us on  Facebook,  Twitter and  Instagram.