'I am not Neena Gupta, ma'am': How access to abortion may not ensure acceptance

I run a community for urban, single women, the only one of its kind in a country where despite 74.1 million single women who constitute 39% of its female population, our highest ever population of singles – there is widespread social, financial, legal and cultural discrimination against those who do not conform to the conservatively conditioned, gender script that bestows marriage and motherhood with a glorified halo and social security that protects and preserves and promotes patriarchy. Just two weeks ago and on the heels of the progressive Supreme Court ruling which stated that all women, including, those not married and persons, except cis-gender women, possessed equal rights to abortion – a community member from a tier-one-metro reached out to me with a problem that I do not find unusual anymore. This despite the pathbreaking legal judgment which incidentally originated from a petition presented before the highest court in India in July by a 25-year-old, single woman embroiled in a consensual relationship, 22 weeks pregnant. The woman claimed she wanted an abortion because her partner had refused to marry her at the last minute and that having a child out of wedlock would expose her to “social stigma and harassment”. Also, she added that she could not afford to be a single mother as she was jobless and did not belong to an affluent background and neither did she have the mental fortitude needed to raise a kid. The Delhi High Court had rejected her plea for an abortion. The decision to carry the pregnancy to its full term or terminate, the Supreme Court upheld, was “firmly rooted” in a woman’s rights to her bodily autonomy and to choose the course of her own life and that an unwanted pregnancy could adversely affect her entire life “by interrupting her education, her career, or affecting her mental well-being”. The court also added that excluding single women could push them to seek unsafe abortions that kill an alarming number of women in India. A BBC News report on 1 October quotes that according to the UN Population Fund, close to eight women die every day in India from causes related to unsafe abortions. My community member’s story read pretty much the same – the man having fled the scene after having promised to marry her and after a year-long courtship. Despite many attempts on the part of the woman to speak to him and seek support, emotional, if not, anything else – she found herself blocked on almost all channels of communication and also labelled ‘nagging,’ ‘conniving,’ ‘gold-digger,’ and in their last correspondence, ‘how do I know you did not sleep with any other guy? Baccha kiss ka hain? Sach sach bata – mujhe phasa rahi hain kya? (whose kid is it? Are you trapping me?)’ The woman was bereft – and at 21 weeks of pregnancy – petrified of what her parents who are from a small town and conservative relatives would say, if they found out that she was with child and there was no father/prospective, technically on the scene, and also, now, no marriage (read holy grail of relationships) on the cards, clearly. Also, that ironically, and, again, not uncommon, she had never met the boy’s family (who stayed away from him) and only knew two of his colleagues who had also blocked her now. The couple had met on a dating service and then gotten closer over time. Let’s get to the fore. Abortions were legalised in India, since 1971, but over the years, courts drew much stricter guidelines on who can terminate a pregnancy and until what stage. A logic perhaps in the light of India’s skewed gender ratio that witnessed millions of female foetuses aborted. In 2021, the government amended the Medical Termination of Pregnancy Act (MTP) to allow several categories of women to seek abortions between 20 and 24 weeks, now covering rape survivors, minors, women with mental disabilities, women with foetuses with major abnormalities and married women who were divorced or widowed during pregnancy. Yet, the panic and suddenness of an unwanted pregnancy, especially, if there is no man in tow, no marriage on the cards, lack of support from the woman’s family in understanding the emotional complexities of such an abandonment, that are still prevalent and unspoken taboos against premarital/casual sex/dating, sadly associated with being ‘fast/espousing Western cultural values/being forward/clever/scheming/trapping men with sex, juxtaposed with the stringent moral purdah/policing that rests on notions popularised by Bollywood, largely, such as ‘najais (illegitimate),’ alongside, a deep-rooted, sansakaari bias in the medical community towards single women, pregnant out of wedlock, meaning, well, being promiscuous, probably make the harsh, on ground reality of actually getting an abortion, gnawing and bordering on a single woman literally being character assassinated and slut shamed. Many women resort to unsafe methods, including, unsupervised use of abortion drugs purchased over-the-counter to terminate foetuses. Complications often lead to heavy bleeding and, without timely treatment, even death. A 2018 report by the Guttmacher Institute, the International Institute for Population Sciences, and the Population Council found that unsafe abortion was the third leading cause of maternal mortality in India, and that close to eight women die from causes related to unsafe abortions each day. Here’s where the double speak turns into a double edged sword. According to Statista research, the Indian dating industry’s revenue was $323 million in 2020, and that number is expected to grow at a steady pace. The pandemic and the crippling social isolation transformed India’s courtship appetite further with more and more young Indians, even in small towns downloading dating apps to seek companionship. India’s sexual wellness industry was estimated to expand to Rs. 8,700 crore by 2020. And we are at the far end of 2022, now! Back in 2018, its market size was pegged at $227.8 million as compared to the global $22 billion. And this, despite the archaic Section 292 of the IPC which peg on obscenity. According to data from Euromonitor International, India’s market for emergency contraceptives escalated 88% to $104.4 million (Rs 667 crore) between 2009 and 2014, ranking us third in the world after the US and China. Together, these three countries accounted for about 73% of global emergency contraceptive sales. India rates among the fastest-growing markets for these contraceptives, with a compound annual growth rate (CAGR) of 13.4% between 2009 and 2014, according to the market research firm. ‘Everyone is not Neena Gupta, Ma’am!’ the community member chokes, adding, before I can say another line,’ ‘look at Alia Bhatt… everyone knows why she married Ranbir Kapoor. It was speculated that she was already with child, by then.’ I think of my own sexual history and back in my twenties, when I missed my periods, twice and was cruelly ghosted by the man I was on the threshold of marrying. We lived apart. How he avoided my calls and texts for weeks, when I simply asked, if he would be by my side if I was to undergo an abortion. I had told no one. Not even by closest girlfriend knew my predicament. I was petrified and guilty of agreeing to unprotected sex – with the man insisting he did not gain pleasure from using condoms and literally bragging about his prowess to not ejaculate, inside my vagina. Years later and when I spoke about this at an intimate partnership abuse workshop – I learnt that I was not the only woman who was being brainwashed into consenting into risky sexual practices – and not, just pregnancy, but, also sexually transmitted diseases. I realise, we practically never ask partners if they have ever got themselves tested for HIV/AIDS. Or, insist on the same. Neither, do we get tested. I think of the time, in the national capital, at age 35, writhing with Endometrial cramps, I literally crawled to a top female gynaecologist, in a swanky, private hospital, as she sniggered sarcastically, about a single female patient who had just left, seconds before I entered. ‘Sab sex ki bhukhi (hungry for sex) ladkiya (women). Getting into trouble and then coming to us!’ She would regularly probe my mother, usually accompanying me on my ‘plans to settle down,’ sugar coated in well intentioned, medical gyaan on my infertility and PCOS complications. Her personal ire, palpable. I think of how modern, working, and, technically, financially empowered, and I would think, so called, liberal women, are light years away from being liberated enough to want to have nothing to do with men who cannot even handle a real-time discussion on pregnancy. I ask myself, if then like modern pre-nup (prenuptial agreement), we should also enter a contractual sexual partnership – with clear boundaries and accountability and deliverables alongside deadlines and risk management. I ask myself, if despite, me being raised by a widow, I myself, was frightened of talking to my own mother about skipping my periods, being sexually active? Of being blamed for being irresponsible when it came to contraception – which technically should be a couple decision, right? And not, rest solely on the woman ‘being careful.’ A 2019-2020 report by UN Women attempted to fill this gap, highlighting that in India, the number of “lone mothers” is rising, with 4.5% (approximately 13 million) of all Indian households run by single mothers. Further, it also revealed that around 32 million single mothers are estimated to be living with their extended families. Yet, single women who find themselves pregnant without the biological father by their side don’t feel anything like veteran actor Neena Gupta – perhaps, India’s poster girl for unwed, single mothers. For whom, getting a legalised abortion, is ridden with shame, guilt, sadness, sin and silence. Access to abortion does not ensure acceptance. It cannot. Sreemoyee Piu Kundu is the bestselling author of ‘Sita’s Curse’, India’s first feminist erotica, and ‘Status Single’ and the founder of India’s first and only community for urban single women. She is also a leading columnist on sexuality and gender. Views expressed are personal. Read all the Latest News , Trending News ,  Cricket News , Bollywood News , India News and Entertainment News here. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.