 "5 tips to navigate consent online and IRL")
Enthusiastic consent is a non-negotiable prerequisite in any kind of intimate interaction – online or IRL. But because we’ve never been spoken to about consent or been taught about it formally, we often find it difficult to fully understand it. “Will it be weird if I ask?”, “Won’t it be awkward?”, “How will I know?”- these are some questions we have often asked ourselves sooner or later. In a survey conducted by Tinder in India, almost 40 per cent of young adults revealed that they want to learn about how to navigate consent. The survey was conducted by YouGov for Tinder with a sample size of 1,018 Indian young adults (18-30) across Delhi, Bombay, Bangalore, Pune, Kolkata, Chennai and Hyderabad. So here are 5 tips on how to navigate consent online and IRL:
- Online interactions require consent too!
It’s often misinterpreted that consent applies only to intercourse or penetrative sex. But that’s untrue. Any sort of intimate act– be it hugging, kissing, or touching requires physical consent.
The same rules translate to the online world. Digital intimacy acts like sexting, video calling, sending nudes, or anything that requires sexual vulnerability or intimacy from your partner needs consent.
Consent online can be obtained by communicating clearly before you send any messages, photos, or videos. You need to ensure that your partner is in a safe environment, is open to digital intimacy, and that you can also trust them with whatever content you sent.
- If you’re unsure, ask
The best way to not violate consent and clarify any confusion is to speak up and ask your partner. Never take your partner’s silence as a yes, or their lack of a no as a yes. 34 per cent of young adults in India said they find it awkward to have such conversations. Well are some simple, non-awkward phrases you can try online and IRL:
If you’re sexting or being intimate online
- “Can I send a pic?👀 ”
- “Do you feel like taking this over to a video call?”
- “Are you cool with sexting?”
If you’re being intimate IRL
- “Is it okay if I do this?”
- “Can I do this?”
- “Does this feel good?”
- Consent involves non-verbal communication — like body language, enthusiasm, and mood — online and offline
Sometimes your partner may not be saying the word “No”, but there are a lot of other ways you can tell they are not in the mood:
- Online- Maybe they are not responding to your sexts/ texts with the same frequency that you are
- Online- Maybe they are not responding with equal enthusiasm
- IRL and online- Maybe they’re saying, “Can we wait for a bit.”
- Offline- Maybe their body language seems shy and reserved
In these situations, the first thing to do is not pressure to “respond better” or be more enthusiastic. Understand they may not be in the mood, stop and ask them what they need.
- Coaxing consent out of anyone is not okay
If you’re sensing resistance or hesitancy from your partner — on the other end of the phone, or when they’re with you physically — don’t coax a yes out of them. Some ways people do this is:
- “Please let’s just try it once na.”
- “Why? You wanted to yesterday!”
- “Why are you being like this? I thought you were cool with it.”
- “But I am in the mood! Why don’t you want to now?”
Making them feel guilty for saying no, or pushing them to say yes is forced consent and is not okay nor legal.
- If you’re being intimate online, then use tools to keep your private content safe!
Being intimate online doesn’t mean you need to compromise your digital privacy. 43 per cent young adults experienced someone showing their photos/ screenshots to others without their knowledge. Thanks to the evolution of the internet, there are various tools and apps that enable you to be in control of your content. These tools ensure that screenshots or screen recordings don’t go anywhere unless you want them to. Some apps that enable this are
- Signal - The app is end-to-end encrypted and has a feature that makes your messages disappear after a set time
- Telegram - You can set disappearing photos that do not allow the user on the other end to take a screenshot
- Instagram - The app has a disappearing mode just like Signal, where the messages you send disappear after a set point of time.
As you engage in acts of intimacy IRL and as a lot of our lives move online, it’s time to stay safe and take control. Ensuring that all parties involved are consenting, enthusiastic, and trusted is the best way to have intimate experiences, both digitally and physically.
The author is Editorial Associate, Yuvaa, Views are personal.
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