Why wait for the SC-mandated 6 weeks on 'Sardar jokes'? We've got the guidelines right here

The Supreme Court has given a panel six weeks to come up with a set of guidelines on how to go about enforcing a ban on ‘Sardar jokes’. The petition filed by lawyer Harvinder Chowdhury has gained serious momentum since it was filed in November last year, with Chowdhury holding the late Khushwant Singh responsible for doing a ‘disservice to the Sikh community by encouraging jokes on them and not objecting to those created by others’. And over the past few months, a number of Sikh organisations began to set up committees packed with lawyers to put an end to these jokes once and for all. On Tuesday, a bench headed by Chief Justice TS Thakur said, “She (Chowdhury) has been very passionate about it. We must not waste more time on this. Tell the panel to formulate the mechanism within six weeks so that we are able to hold a proper hearing of the matter.” It must be pointed out though that it’s not just ‘Santa-Banta’ jokes that are on the chopping block, jokes about 12 o’clock could also be on their way out. That’s the introduction out of the way. Now on with the show! Here, at FP Special Forces headquarters, we pride ourselves on our altruistic desire to help others, particularly when it’s for an important cause. And what could be more important than helping out the country’s Supreme Court? The way we see it, six weeks is far too long to spend on something as critical as guidelines for jokes. Also, there is a pressing need for a set of concrete guidelines to standardise jokes. Why did the Sikh community have to suffer disproportionately and alone for so many decades? This injustice shall not stand. So without further ado, here’s a bulletproof set of guidelines to craft standardised jokes that we can all enjoy:

It’s historically proven that it always helps to illustrate theory with a working example. Remember how quickly we were able to understand ‘distance = speed x time’ after we were given the example of those trains — one of which was leaving Mumbai at 45 kilometres per hour and the other was doing something else? Remember? Here, then, is an example of how to use the guidelines:

It was at an unknown time of the day that an average nondescript human walked into an establishment designed to serve refreshments. While in said establishment, the human requested another equally average nondescript human for a glass of clear, still liquid. The other human obliged. Midway through the glass of clear, still liquid, the first human mentioned pointed to a non-human living creature sitting on a stool. “Who is that fine specimen?” the first human enquired. “Oh, that non-human living creature? Why, that non-human living creature is my friend and equal to me in every way.” “That’s wonderful,” said the first human, who then paid for the glass of clear, still liquid and exited the establishment in a quiet orderly way. For no particular reason, the human turned around to find that the establishment had been replaced by an establishment that sold books on mathematical diagrams. The surprised, but still polite and well-behaved human patiently rapped one’s knuckles on the door of said establishment, but conscientiously did not say, “Knock-knock”. Upon being welcomed by the proprietor of the establishment, the first human asked, “Excuse me, fellow human being who is every bit as worthy as I, wasn’t this an establishment that served refreshments?” The other human looked at the first human perplexed and asked, “Venn?”  

Okay, now you can laugh. via GIPHY Not amused? Then you’re in the perfect frame of mind to imagine a world where jokes must adhere to guidelines. via GIPHY