Why so serious? Are there any silver linings to the four-day Mumbai meat ban?

The problem with us as a nation in this virtually outraged age, is that we just don’t see the benefits of any situation. Just look at all the angst surrounding Mumbai’s four-day meat ban. Fine, so it might be a bit of a blow to poultry farmers and loom ominously over upcoming Eid celebrations, but why so serious? What we’re missing in this cloud of anger are the silver linings. For instance, what if all the rules of Paryushan had been strictly imposed upon all of Mumbai? This would mean state-imposed celibacy since brahmacharya is one of the dharmas that should be practiced during this period. Considering the recent crackdown on online pornography, surely this could be tantamount to unusual cruelty? Paryushan also demands one speak only the truth, which would mean there’d be no news for eight days. [caption id=“attachment_2427704” align=“alignleft” width=“380”]  Reuters image.[/caption] And let’s not forget the Jain diet. It’s not just meat that’s off the menu. No root vegetables, no eggs, no honey, no dairy products, no alcohol … in short: all misery. So gaze gratefully at the potatoes piled high at your regular vegetable seller’s stall, give thanks that you can still access Onion.com and make yourself some egg bhurji. Also, let’s give credit where credit is due. It’s not as though all non-vegetarian produce has been banned. As Bharatiya Janata Party corporator Dinesh Jain explained in this interview, fish is freely available. Here’s why: “You know that when fish is taken out from the sea, it is dead. But keeping meat in shops and cutting it is like taking a life.” No one tell Jain that the dead fish were once alive. For the love of all that is tasty, let Jain continue to believe fish are the zombies of the underwater world. On social media, one possible benefit of the extended meat ban was pointed out by one Pradeep Kumar Yadav. https://twitter.com/pradeepmgs/status/641467642604228608 This sounds like an excellent idea, especially since renunciation and not hankering after material wealth are critical elements of both Paryushan as well as Jainism. Legal eagles, please do look into this. Perhaps next September, in exchange for the meat ban, for four days, Jains can divide their earnings among non-Jain Mumbaikars, who have been rendered meatless so that tender Jain sentiments are not barbecued by non-vegetarian turpitude. Finally and most importantly, there’s so little appreciation for the extent to which politicians go to entertain us. There’s Jain, who observed that fish were never alive, and while it’s tough to top his sound bytes, other political parties aren’t surrendering without a fight. “Is it for the government to decide what I eat, what I drink, what I wear, where I sleep, when I speak? What you are seeing across the country is the creeping spectre of fascism,” said Congress spokesperson Manish Tiwari, in his eloquent protest against the ban. If only someone could have whispered in his ear that his party was the one that introduced the ban in 2004. Maharashtra Navanirman Sena’s Sandeep Deshpande described the four-day meat ban as an attack on Marathi eating habits. It was “cultural terrorism”, he declared. We can only hope he was wildly waving a piece of mutton sukkha in his hand as he continued MNS’s tireless campaign to champion Maharashtrian pride and identity. Shiv Sena’s spokesperson Neelam Gorhe said, “The Mayor of BJP-ruled Mira Bhayander Municipal Corporation is trying to use a section of society for political reasons.” Because it’s not as though Shiv Sena has ever done anything like using a section of society for political advantage, has it? Kettle, meet pot. Aani jai Maharashtra. Is all this not enough to make up for four days of meatlessness? Then take comfort in the fact that back in 2004, the sale of eggs was banned in Rishikesh. Not for a day, or four days, but forever.