'Use of toilets is prohibited due to bad weather conditions. Jai Hind!': How Air India's in-flight announcements now sound

The Air India crew have some very specific instructions to introduce greater clarity (read JOSH) in all its in-flight announcements. The latest directive from the airline says the  crew have to say “Jai Hind” after every flight announcement “with much fervour” and after a “slight pause”. That’s right! “With immediate effect, all (crew) are required to announce ‘Jai Hind’ at the end of every announcement after a slight pause and much fervour,” read the advisory issued by Amitabh Singh, Air India’s director of operations. Anybody who has flown the national carrier is used to the mechanical voice that drones on after the electric crackle. More practiced flyers could even snooze away while they follow the usual instructions from muscle memory. But this move may now enthuse flyers with more josh, some of whom are likely to be startled each time the crew shouts out “Jai Hind” with “much fervour”. [caption id=“attachment_4302393” align=“alignleft” width=“380”] Representational image. PTI[/caption] “Passengers we are currently cruising at an altitude of 33,000 feet at an airspeed of 400 miles per hour. The time is 1:25 pm. The weather looks good and with the tailwind on our side we are expecting to land in about 45 minutes, 15 minutes ahead of schedule, in Delhi………JAI HIND!” “Air India regrets the delay in the departure of your flight” … (slight pause) … “Jai Hind!” But the usual everyday announcements are not what highlight the usefulness of this directive. Craftily designed to startle passengers into attention, the move will come in more handy when more urgent turbulence-related announcements are made. “Ladies and gentlemen, the captain has turned on the fasten seat belt sign. We are now crossing a zone of turbulence. Please return your seats and keep your seat belts fastened. ~Thank you~  JAI HIND!” “Flight attendants/cabin crew, please be seated. JAI HIND!” “Passengers standing in the aisle are requested to move back to their seats and put on their seat belts … (slight pause) … JAI HIND!” “The use of toilets is prohibited due to bad weather conditions. JAI HIND!” In case a passenger takes ill on the flight… “Ladies and gentlemen, paging for a doctor on board! Kindly come to seat XX-Y. JAI HIND!” When you think about it, to deal with the problem of inattentive passengers, wouldn’t it be more effective to yell it out before the actual announcement is made? Twitterati had some brilliant suggestions to fix this bit of oversight. One person suggested that yelling “how’s the josh, sir” and incentivising the loudest replies would be better as it would ensure people’s undivided attention to the flight announcements.