Pappu’s end-year final exam

We all know how important it is for students in India to excel at examinations and what a rat-race it is for youth. The knowledge of current affairs is considered a very, very important sign of academic excellence, so we set a test paper based on events in 2011 and asked Pappu to take a bash at it. Pappu pass ho gaya! How are laws made in India? It is very easy. You have to go and fast at either the Ramlila grounds, Azad Maidan or MMRDA grounds in Bandra Kurla Complex (if you can afford it) and demand a particular law. Do you require a majority in Parliament to pass a law? No, you only need the majority support of the news media. Who is Anna Hazare? He is a man who wants Sharad Pawar slapped more than once. He does not like postmen and other Group C and D government servants. He is very powerful. He sits in the front seat of his car without a seat-belt on and no one challans him. He is a very bad blogger. TV cameras love him. His favourite word is niyyat. What is Ralegan Siddhi? It is a place like the Jindal Health farm or any Kerala Ayurveda centre. It is a place to go when you want to detox. You cannot drink alcohol there. There is no cable TV. Instead of masseurs, they have people who beat you with a stick. [caption id=“attachment_161789” align=“alignleft” width=“380” caption=“Could you have passed this exam? Reuters”]  [/caption] Who is Arvind Kejriwal? He is an angry man. Who is Kiran Bedi? She is an angry woman. Who is Prashant Bhushan? He is an angry man. Together, what are Kejriwal, Bedi and Bhushan? They are a game, like Angry Birds. Their game is called Angry Core Committee. In their game, no one throws things at them, they throw things at politicians, especially from the Congress party. What is FDI? I think it is a car. The USA likes it, but the opposition parties in India do not like it. I think it is a car because it can be rolled back. Who is Justice Katju? A confused man. He thinks he has been appointed the conscience of the country when everyone knows that it is Medha Patkar. He also thinks he is an editor. He thinks he is the greatest editor in the country. He is also opposed to a Bharat Ratna for Sachin Tendulkar. He does not go to astrologers. He doesn’t like TV news channels, though he watches all of them 24X7. Who is Jayalalithaa?
 She is the Santa Claus of Tamil Nadu. She gives everyone free TVs, mixies, laptops and sewing machines. Who pays for all these freebies? Are they made by elves? No. There are no elves. The freebies are paid for by the citizens of Tamil Nadu. What is Mullaiperiyar? It is a piece required to play chess. My father says it’s a pawn in a game between Tamil Nadu and Kerala. What is Radiagate? It is a gadget that allows direct contact between industrialists and politicians instantly. Who is Manmohan Singh? I’m not sure. But I think he is the one Anna Hazare copied the concept of maun-vrat from. Who is the head of the government of India? Someone called Ten Jan Path. Who is Mayawati? She is a statue. She is a statue with a handbag. Actually she is many statues with many handbags. Who is Kalmadi? He is a master magician. He can make anything 100 times more expensive in seconds. He can also make large sums of money disappear. However, he cannot disappear from jail. Who is Raja? He is also a master magician. He can also make large sums of money disappear. But he, too, cannot disappear from jail. Who is Sunny Leone? She is a very nice girl who is much misunderstood. Many people think she is a porn star when, in fact, she is just a very nice girl. Why do so many people wear funny hats with ‘I am Anna’ written on it? All these people are called Anna and all have memory deficiencies and, every now and then, they forget their own names. When they do, they look at the funny hats. They meet at Ramlila grounds, Azad Maidan and MMRDA grounds. When this happens, it is very confusing as there are hundreds of people, all called Anna. They all eat while another man called Anna does not eat. What is the Food Security Act? It is like the National Security Act. It won’t work. Who is Kapil Sibal? He is a man with no friends on Facebook. People on Twitter laugh at him the whole day. He does not like people making fun of his real-life friends.