Norway saga: Why put patriotism over kids' welfare?

The Bhattacharya kids are finally back in India. In most media stories, their arrival has been treated like a national triumph. The Times of India is the worst offender, rewriting the entire saga as “an ordeal for the family” created by a cruel and arbitrary Norwegian justice system.

Our Minister of External Affairs SM Krishna added to the chorus with his obligatory rah-rah quote : “I am delighted to welcome back the two children… they belong to India, they are Indian nationals.”

Where the children belong – above all – is in a happy, secure home. The most important issue here is not national pride but the children’s welfare. They have been taken out of foster care but the factors that sent them there in the first place remain ugly and unresolved. Here’s an inconvenient reminder of their family situation: a mother with psychological problems who is unable to effectively care for her children; two, a father who was either unwilling or unable to take steps to address the problem; a toxic and reportedly violent marriage that impacted their well-being; and, as a result, at least one child who suffers from a serious psychological disorder.

And yet Mr Krishna blithely declares, “All is well that ends well,” Really? Here’s what awaits these kids in India.

One, a father who refuses to take responsibility. Losing custody could and should have been a wake-up call for all involved. And yet the father is too busy claiming moral victory by insisting that the kids fared worse in foster care than with him. Anurup has blamed everyone for his children’s woes – the mother, her parents, the Norwegians – except himself.

There were plenty of steps he ought to have taken to protect his kids at the first sign of serious trouble – taken his wife for counseling, sent her and the kids back to the grandparents, etc. But instead he let the situation get bad to worse until the Norwegian state intervened. A father is as responsible for the emotional welfare of his children as a mother. And keeping his troubled family isolated and alone in Norway was a huge error that he refuses to acknowledge.

Anurup instead is more eager to revisit marital disputes of the past: “Just ask Sagarika how her mother behaved with my children when she was at Stavanger. That was why the CWS took them away. But even so, I want things to be amicably settled,” Anurup said.

Two, a mother who is in denial of her own problems. Sagarika too shows no evidence of self-reflection. Losing custody of a child is perhaps the greatest nightmare of any parent. And the long-awaited arrival in India surely must have been momentous, and yet she chose to mark the occasion with an oddly inane Facebook update: “Give them a big hug from me and on behalf of my parents.”

She too is keen to point her finger at others via her father who blames his son-in-law for her psychological problems: “I do not want to talk about the harrowing time she went through during her days in Stavanger. Those were dark days for her, both before the children were taken away on 11 May by CWS (Norway’s Child Welfare Services) and after,”

There is not one whit of evidence that the parents have learnt a much-needed lesson. Over and again, both parents continue to take an inappropriate tone in public that suggests an alarming lack of interest in – or at least, awareness of – their responsibilities.

Three, a looming custody battle that promises to be ugly, protracted, and international. Within minutes of their stepping down in New Delhi, the maternal grandfather, Monotosh Chakrabarty told The Indian Express: “According to a Supreme Court order it is the mother who gets the custody of children until they attain the age of five. We will consult our lawyer on how to get back the children." He also added, “Norwegian law will not be applicable in India in bringing up the children… I hope our government will help us in this respect.”

The media reports are muddled, but there is some suggestion that the Indian government has given the Norwegians a firm undertaking that the custody arrangements will be enforced in India. It’s perhaps why Krishna carefully worded his statement: “I am confident that their uncle will take care of them. I thank the Government of Norway, and in particular, the Foreign Minister, for his constructive approach.”

With Anurup now insisting that the Norwegian order be respected, we can expect an ugly legal battle that will once again bring up issues of sovereignty and jurisdiction.

And three, no counseling in sight. Whatever the flaws of Western culture, its great strength is an openness to seeking psychiatric care. What these kids need most urgently is a good child therapist who can help them fully heal. And yet there seems to be a presumption that they will be miraculously cured by the mere fact of being back in India and in the bosom of the extended family. And if they are indeed to stay with the uncle in Kulti, what kind of care can they access – if indeed their family is willing to seek such help?

More importantly, no child therapist can do any good if the original sources of the trauma – i.e. the parents – remain unaddressed. Both Anurup and Sagarika will need serious counselling in order to learn how to be good parents to their damaged kids – whether or not they stay together. But to seek help, you must first acknowledge that you need help. Given the level of blamemongering, acrimony, and self-absorption the two have displayed, there is little hope of the same.

Patriotism has its comforts but none of them are sufficient compensation for two young children burdened with bad parents. In the end, there is only the hope that the grandparents and uncle will finally give these kids what they most deserve: a secure and loving home.