Jack, what the hack: The absurd outrage of Brahmins against Twitter CEO

If there was ever a need for the world to have a giant, red-coloured pause button, it is now. Or maybe a tiny blue one for Twitter. On Sunday, a picture of Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey posing with a placard reading 'Smash Brahminical Patriarchy’ went viral. And Brahmins across Twitter, around the world — those from the United States, those from Andaman as also those from the Manusmriti — united against this injustice, this massacre, this tragedy.

‘How dare you are, Jack!?’ is what they all wanted to know.

Here are some hilarious tweets that made me giggle like a four-year-old watching another four-year-old slip on a banana peel and fall.

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“I am Brahmin – eagerly waiting for your reply,” says one tweet.

“Jack what the hack,” says another.

And my favourite — “Jack should be flooded with flak.”

Some are pure genius — like this one which wants to keep Twitter stocks down by keeping the topic alive on Twitter.

Here is one that cannot take Jack seriously because he doesn’t get invited to “Trump meetings”. Okay then.

That pause button will do us some good. Think Kaala (the 2018 film). If you haven’t watched it yet, now is the perfect time to watch it. Everyone and their grandmother loved it when Kaala (played by actor Rajinikanth) repeatedly asks, ‘Kumar, yaar ivara?’ (Kumar, who is he?), to some man named Kumar.

The ‘he’ here is the very angry and very comical Sayaji Shinde who plays a minister called Kumar in the film. Every time Kaala says, ‘Kumar yaar ivara’, his power is punctured and the air leaves his body like in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

That was a moment that the audience collectively wanted to pause so they could howl with laughter peacefully, properly.

Here is a gem that stole a pause and a billion laughs on Twitter. In Kannada that too:

Some tried very hard to be taken seriously. Even comparing holding the “Smash Brahminical patriarchy” to holding a Nazi Swastika – which is hilarious because neither Brahmins nor Nazis have a sense of humour, among other commonalities.

This tweet, on the other hand, was the most sincere – it didn’t feign either anger or ignorance. It was just there for love and support, like how the squirrels come from nowhere to show support to the animals in films like The Lion King.

But to give them credit, they don’t take bullshit just lying down, okay? They give it back like they gave the world billions and billions of Brahmin engineers who have all assembled to do this:

Brahminical outrage is hilarious. It’s just like that look of total helplessness plus anger when people refuse to get bullied by them. As if someone snatched their remote control.

In the middle of this comedy show, Google Translate has decided to do a special appearance. Here is a tweet in Hindi and its English translation.

A lot is lost in the translation yes, but as Salman Rushdie said, “It is normally supposed that something always gets lost in translation; I cling, obstinately to the notion that something can also be gained.”

That last line of the English translation is certainly a gain and so much more. That line is what people call “pearls of wisdom”.

***

While half of Twitter is saying “Jack how dare you are”. There are many asking them ‘Kumar yaar ivara?’

If there’s one thing that they cannot stand – it is the sound of loud Avarna laughter. It shrivels Brahminical patriarchy and more in a second. Somewhere I can hear Ambedkar laughing. And that’s probably the best thing to have come out of this.