It doesn't take an Einstein to tell you the millenial mindset is to blame for India's woes: A primer on fully factual facts

First, it was Nirmala Sitharaman. And now, you vultures are going after Piyush Goyal ? When and where will this shameful practice end?

FP Special Forces, whose proud banner you see above (it would and should have been waving even more proudly, but you know how lazy animators are these days), was formed a few years ago as an élite news-gathering unit. But it’s only now that our role in the world has become truly apparent. This is particularly so in a world where so-called journalists think it’s absolutely fine, nay, desirable to twist statements around to the point where they look nothing like the original, to introduce a fake narrative, thick slabs of rhetoric and failing all else, indulge in unending whataboutery. These ‘outrage specialists’ will do anything to fit a narrative into a good headline and to earn their hosannas and shaabashis from like-minded persons on social media. Amidst all the hearty back-slapping, what’s at risk of being forgotten is the importance of facts — real facts and not the sort that these so-called journalists dig up from all sorts of disreputable sources like the equally so-called Right to Information. Information, remember, boys and girls, is a privilege and not a right and if you are deemed worthy of being showered with that information, then you should thank your lucky stars (and stripes). In fact, look over at the US and see how willing the Donald Trump government is to give you information if you are deemed worthy. But, much as in India, those no-goodniks over at CNN, The Washington Post and The New York Times are just ungrateful for government wisdom and concoct their own narratives and ‘facts’. With that in mind, let’s look at some facts that we were considered worthy to be privy to and are gracious enough to share with you, without a fake narrative or missing the context. And in order to underline the gravity of these facts, they will be presented as charts so as to ensure that even the most manipulative among you can’t twist these around. First off:

This is an irrevocable fact and readers are advised not to try and water down these facts by introducing needless context like the absence of a scale or labels on the axes. Staying on the topic of vehicles:

This fact was confirmed, not that facts need confirmation, by Karnataka deputy chief minister Govind Karjol who said on Thursday, “Accidents don’t occur due to bad roads. They happen when roads are good and safer, that’s when accidents are more.” Returning to Ola and Uber for a moment, it’s important to understand what Sitharaman meant and not the words that came out of her mouth, which have been picked up and twisted by filthy Left-liberals all over this country.

Millennials have nothing better to do than get drunk, so it stands to reason that they don’t want to buy cars because they’re scared of the huge fines being levied for drunk driving. That’s where ride-share apps like Uber and Ola come in very handy and give a further boost to millennials’ lack of responsibility. Speaking of millennials, it’s not just their lack of responsibility that’s bringing down our great nation, it’s also their lack of awareness and knowledge, as the graph below demonstrates:

See that big zero in the middle that represents the knowledge levels of millennials? It’s the only thing mathematical about this chart. That said, it’s probably best that millennials stay ignorant. After all, ISRO’s prowess and millennial interest in space exploration are inversely proportional:

After all, you can’t break new boundaries in space with millennials. For starters, they’re terrible at giving big manly hugs. We hope this has been an eye-opening experience for you and teaches you that facts are facts, except when they are more factual, in which case those are the facts you should follow and not the ones you dig up yourself.