If you are rich and gay, shun Chennai

The reported allegations by BCCI President N Srinivasan’s son that his father was homophobic and that the former has unleashed a “cycle of violence” on him to cure him of homosexuality betrays the two-sided public morality of Chennai. A society that is tolerant to sexual diversity, but homophobic within the family. For years, the city has been a relatively safe haven for sexual minorities such as gay men and transgender people; but within the four walls of the family, it is regressively conservative. Gay and transgender community members say that the city abounds in stories of parental pressure on “sexually deviant” children to mend their ways or face disownment. [caption id=“attachment_317284” align=“alignleft” width=“380” caption=“AFP”]  [/caption] They are also bludgeoned into torturous reparative therapy. It’s not surprising that the industrial scion also accuses his father of a similar behavior. On the tussle between Srinivasan and his son, the DNA report quoted the latter: “My father is vehemently against homosexuality and has been asking me to change since 1998 when I came out to my parents… Things began to worsen when I fell in love with Avi in 1999. We have come close to losing our lives and sanity due to the constant physical and mental torture.” The credentials of Tamil Nadu and Chennai on its tolerance to sexual diversity are unparalleled. The city is hardly 200 km away from Koovagam which every summer hosts the sub-continent’s largest and oldest festival that celebrates sexual diversity. It attracts about 10,000 people from across the country, including sexual minorities such as ‘hijras’, gay and heterosexual men in a unique show of sexual tolerance. The city is home to communities that host many run-away gays and transgender people and also has the country’s first transgender pastor. Its TV and radio stations had a transgender hosting successful talk shows. Chennai was also among first cities in the region that was mapped by WHO for its baseline assessment of sexual behavior of gay men. Politicians such as Kanimozhi, and a minister of the previous DMK regime, have been decisively helpful to sexual minorities. The state also has done its bit to find mainstream vocations for them and has improved their access to healthcare and social welfare services. Overall, things look relatively better for sexual minorities in the state. But within the family nothing seems to have changed as indicated by the industrial scion’s charges. In cities such as Mumbai, Delhi and Calcutta, upper class families appear to be more tolerant to children who deviate from the standard heterosexual behavior, but not in Chennai. Here, the family attitude is in conflict with that of society. “Chennai indeed has an enabling environment for sexual diversity and we feel emboldened within our community; but when it comes to families, there is no difference with other cities and between classes,” says Rose, an engineer-turned transgender activist and media host. “The norm is that everybody should be heterosexual and married.” “Being gay is against family pride.” NGO contacts, however, say that the discrimination is higher within the upper class society, which traditionally is also quite conservative. They head institutions, run industries and operate in an exclusive space. Add to that, issues such as the stature of the family and family wealth. It is a different sort of peer pressure. The richer and more conservative you are, the higher the stakes are. There are many cases where in families have redrawn their wills to exclude gay children from inheriting bulk of their property. These families are concerned that rich gay kids will have a lot of parasites living off them or they bust everything irresponsibly. A number of rich gay men therefore live dual lives, either in other Indian cities or abroad. It helps live their true lives and ward off the stigma and discrimination within the family. But at some stage, the pressure of marriage from the family, like all south Asian gay men, will “out” them. And there begins the misery. The gay and transgender communities in the city are happy to embrace them; but the class and lifestyle differences keep them away.