What is ghostlighting that is leaving people heartbroken?

Everybody finds it disheartening to be ghosted. However, there is an even more undesirable new dating trend these days. People who use online dating apps are experiencing trust concerns as a result of the emerging trend known as ghostlighting, which combines two unhealthy relationship practices. In the past several months, the trend has become increasingly common on dating apps and for people in long-distance relationships. Let’s take a closer look. Also read: Phubbing is killing your love life: What is this habit that is ruining relationships? Ghosting + gaslighting = Ghostlighting “Ghostlighting” is the practice of ghosting someone and then reappearing to lie to you about their motivations, according to Cosmopolitan. That shady practice is also known as “winter coating” during the winter, as in when an ex-lover returns just in time for a cuddling season before ditching you like a terrible habit once spring arrives. For those unversed, “ghosting” is when communication ends suddenly and without warning. The individual who was ghosted frequently wonders if they did anything wrong as a result. While “gaslighting” is a manipulative tactic where someone lies to another person and fabricates a story to make them doubt their own judgement or sanity. Florida-based-licensed psychologist Dr Carolyn Rubenstein told Dailymail that “the person returns but doesn’t take ownership for the ghosting (and) gaslights the person and really creates a lot of insecurity and questions for the individual. It’s a whole new level of manipulation, and it’s pretty awful and scary to see.” She noted that persons in their 20s and 30s frequently exhibit this pattern. While some people encounter ghostlighters through dating apps, others become aware of them in distance relationships. Even when there hasn’t been a problem in the relationship thus far, a person who feels like they are being ghostlit is more likely to experience self-doubt, paranoia, and trust concerns. Although it is unclear when this habit originated, the setting of online dating has made it simpler to fall into the trap. Dr Rubenstein claims that people are becoming “much more liberated,” but if they were more cunning, they might conceal that aspect until the connection developed and they got to know the person better. Also read: Forget red and green, watch out for beige flags in a relationship. What are they? Reasons for ghostlighting Dr Rubenstein examined ghostlighting and gaslighting independently to determine the potential motivations behind each. For ghosting, she said, “I see a lot of people who are really anxious do it because they don’t want to hurt someone, so they think the nicest way is to ghost.” The act is frequently the result of insecurity, thus the person who left can feel the need to control the story of every relationship they have, whether they are serious or informal, explained Cosmopolitan. The case of gaslighting is another matter as the person who actually does that is typically manipulative and unkind. There might be a hint of narcissism. According to Dr Rubenstein, this also might be a backup since they may have attempted another relationship that didn’t work, and they aren’t actually in it. There are a lot of people who genuinely don’t feel emotions, interact with the individual on a surface level, and won’t accept responsibility, she claimed. Psychology Today explained that the reason for ghostlighting may also be because the person’s circumstances changed in a way they’re unwilling to discuss or acknowledge. A third possibility is that the person is plainly manipulative, unconcerned with your sentiments, a serial liar, or some mix of these. One shouldn’t count on this to be a lasting, reliable agreement. How to spot a ghostlighter A ghostlighter is someone who has unexpectedly gone vamoose from your life and decides to return one day but won’t offer the requisite apology or even an explanation. According to Psychology Today, the person may even deny ghosting you in the first place, even worse, they may blame YOU. Also read: Burnout has a cousin called rust out: What’s this latest workplace trend? What to do if you are being ghostlit If you do learn someone ghostlighting you, consider if you even want to interact with the person in question. Ghosting is one thing, to reiterate. Gaslighting on top of that is similar to playing with fire. Even though you may be interested in the person, it might not be worth the squeeze to get the juice. It is important to keep in mind that gaslighters are experts at distorting reality. Therefore, your chances of receiving an honest response may be slim. The wisest course of action might be to shut the door. You may also speak with a friend or therapist who has a neutral opinion. It could put things in a different light. With inputs from agencies