Phubbing is killing your love life: What is this habit that is ruining relationships?

We are in the year 2023 and we are dating in the times of technology and social media. While it may make finding ‘the one’ a bit easier, it also comes with its own set of red flags. The biggest red flag that people are talking about and has the chances of ruining your love life is called phubbing and it’s also become the subject of a new study published in the journal Psychological Reports, which explains how it could ruin romantic relationships. But what exactly is phubbing? And how exactly can it ruin your love life? Phubbing explained Phubbing – a combination of “phone” and “snubbing” – refers to the act of being ignored by someone who is more focused on their phone than your conversation. Imagine yourself in the middle of a conversation with your date and they suddenly are seen scrolling their phone. Don’t forget when you’re in bed and your partner carefully adjusts his iPhone on the nightstand so that the screen is visible — “just in case.” There’s also the time when your partner is checking email during a film date. All these instances are examples of phubbing – the impolite habit of ignoring those in front you in favour of your phone screen. Even though the term has been around for a while, it has become even more prominent in today’s time when people seemed glued to their phones, either for work or personal reasons. Experts say that phubbing is a regular phenomenon in relationships and there’s almost a 100 per chance that one has either ‘phubbed’ their partner or been ‘phubbed’. In fact a research, which was carried out on the topic, revealed that more than 15 per cent of people ‘phub’ others at least four times a day, and 32 per cent report have been at the receiving end of phubbing more than twice a day. Another September 2022 study also called the phubbing as a social allergen – an “emotion-arousing behaviour or situation created by another person that is seen as unpleasant, but not as unbearably aversive. Examples of phubbing Realising just how prevalent phubbing is in our lives, researchers James A Roberts and Meredith E David identified eight types of phubbing behaviour that has become common in today’s world. This means that if you have indulged in any of these eight behaviours, you are also guilty of phubbing. – During a typical mealtime that my partner and I spend together, my partner pulls out and checks his/her cell phone. – My partner places his or her cell phone where they can see it when we are together. – My partner keeps his or her mobile in their hand when he or she is with me. – When my partner’s phone rings or beeps, he/she pulls it out even if we are in the middle of a conversation. – My partner glances at his/her phone while talking to me. – During leisure time that my partner and I are able to spend together, my partner uses his/her cellphone. – My partner uses his or her mobile when we are out together. – If there is a lull in our conversation, my partner will check his or her phone. **Also read: How using smartphones as kids can cause mental health issues** Impact of phubbing on relationships Generally speaking. phubbing is not intentional or malicious, as US-based Shamyra Howard, a certified sex therapist, observes. Howard in a news report was quoted as saying, “Most people don’t pick up their phones and say, ‘Because you’re talking, I’m just going to go on my phone’. People are really connected to their mobiles nowadays, and we inadvertently and mindlessly scroll through them without even realising it, which can be annoying to those around us.” However, it can have serious repercussions on relationships. This is because it priorities the device over the relationship. The message that one is sending is that what’s on my phone is more important than the person sitting in front of you. This can leave one’s partner aggrieved and even cause resentment. It can fuel arguments when a partner consistently places higher value on something other than their loved one, and as a result, leaves them feeling unheard, undervalued and neglected. A partner who is ‘phubbed’ feels excluded, which results in less intimacy, reduced satisfaction within the relationship and, in turn, also lead to reduced life satisfaction. In some cases, phubbing can also cause jealousy and intensify feelings of anxiety and depression, which can have long-term mental health effects. Studies have also shown that ‘phubbed’ spend excessive amounts of time on social media, possibly to regain some of the attention lost at the hands of their partner’s smartphone habit. And we all know what excessive social media use can do to people’s physical as well as emotional state. A study published in Computers in Human Behavior also found that people who are ‘phubbed’ participate in a “vicious cycle of resentment and retaliation.” This can manifest as retaliatory phubbing — where the phubee chooses to beat their phubbing partner at their own game, thereby kickstarting the aforementioned “vicious cycle.” Psychologist and contributor for Psychology Today Mark Travers in a Hypebae report said that while phubbing may seem like a small behaviour that happens here and there, these moments add up and compound, “gnawing at the fabric of your relationship.” Moreover, he adds that if not addressed, it can lead to larger problems. “Your partner might become hyper-sensitively annoyed or disgusted with your repetitive phone checking.” Phubbing may also hurt your reputation. Emma Seppälä, a psychologist at Stanford and Yale universities and author of the Happiness Track, told TIME magazine, “Phone users are generally seen as less polite and attentive—and as poorer conversationalists.” Stop that phubbing Thanks to increased phone usage, phubbing has become a near inevitable occurrence and can be difficult to stop. However, it’s necessary that one recognise this habit and stop it in order to salvage their love life. Relationship experts point out that people should unplug from technology and attempt to have conversations without any technology in the background, including phones, laptops and TVs. Also, if going out with your partner, choose to leave your phone at home and give undivided attention to your significant other. One expert noted, “We should be conscious of our phone habits and make sure our partner still feels validated and heard and does not interpret the phubbing behaviour as a disinterest in them or the relationship.” So put your phone down - it might just save your relationship or your dating life. With inputs from agencies Read all the Latest News, Trending News, Cricket News, Bollywood News, India News and Entertainment News here. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.