Want to test how strong is your relationship? TikTok’s Bird Theory could give you the answer

How do you know if your partner still loves you? Is the look in his/her eye when they look at you? Is it the gifts that they shower on you? Is it the holidays that they plan for you’ll together?

No, it’s none of the above. The true test of a relationship can now be gauged by five words — ‘I saw a bird today’ — according to the viral TikTok trend that is now known as the bird theory.

Here’s all that we know about this social media trend that has got couples talking about their encounters with birds they never saw.

Bird theory, explained

Also known as the bird test, the bird theory is meant to determine if a relationship will stand the test of time.

To perform this test, one person has to point out something insignificant, like a bird perched outside. The goal is to have your partner respond with genuine curiosity. If you partner engages, shows curiosity, or responds warmly, it’s taken as a sign of emotional attentiveness and connection. However, if your partner ignores it or brushes it off, it is as emotional distance or a lack of interest in the little things that matter to you.

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While this trend may have just taken flight on social media, it’s been around since the early 1990s. In fact, it was established after researchers, led by Dr John Gottman, studied a group of couples in hopes of identifying what helps make a healthy relationship. Gottman’s team asked the couples a variety of questions during initial interviews, and then brought the couples back six years later where the couples were divided into two groups: those who were still together and those who had since separated.

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After reviewing the tapes from the couples’ interviews, he came to the conclusion that successful couples are attentive. They listen to one another, no matter the subject, and actively engage with their partner when the other person wants to speak and have a conversation.

Bird Theory takes flight over social media

Since first seen on TikTok in 2023, the bird test theory has gone viral with couples from all around the globe indulging in it.

There are thousands and thousands of TikTok posts and Instagram reels in which couples test their significant other using the bird test theory. For instance, former reality star, Michelle Young from The Bachelorette, jumped for joy when her significant other stopped to look out the window when she said she saw a cardinal.

Not a foolproof test

However, the bird test theory isn’t wholly accurate and shouldn’t be the only litmus test for one’s relationship.

Relationship experts have said that the bird theory test typically does not offer much meaningful information about the health of a relationship — and can obviously backfire. “If they fail the test, I hope that people don’t take that as a sign that the relationship is doomed,” said Dr Carrie Cole, director of research at the Gottman Institute, to the New York Times. “I hope they would see it as an opportunity for a deeper conversation about getting their needs met.”

Alexandra Solomon, who is a licensed clinical psychologist, an adjunct professor at Northwestern University, and the host of a podcast called Reimagining Love, also notes that although the bird test theory has validity, it’s putting too much weight in one little micro moment.

In India, Mehezabin Dordi, a clinical psychologist at Sir H N Reliance Foundation Hospital, Mumbai, shares similar views on the validity of the test. Speaking to India Today, she said that one reaction does not define the health of a relationship; everyone has bad days or moments when they’re distracted. What matters is the pattern over time.

She added, “What truly matters is if your partner usually responds with warmth and curiosity. However, if, over time, indifference does start to be a pattern, it might signal emotional disconnection that is worth addressing.”

Experts also note that if a partner fails bird theory, it’s not a reason to dump the relationship. Instead one could always try re-testing the theory when the vibe is right or discuss how their response made you feel.

As licensed psychotherapist Marni Feuerman told USA Today, “People are going to miss bids on occasion, and so it’s not about people getting worried or panicked that they’re missing some, because you will. We all will. We’re human.”

With inputs from agencies