The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On review — What it means to be in love in the time of Netflix dating reality shows

Language: English If you were in a happy, long-term relationship with someone you loved but who might be on the fence about getting married, what would you do?  This is the one question I kept asking myself while binge-watching Ultimatum: Marry or Move on, Netflix’s newest viral dating reality show. I kept thinking to myself that I’d probably give my partner some space and time to wrap their head around the idea of spending their entire lives with one person or maybe even, hear out their concerns before deciding on a way forward. I kept telling myself that commitment was the cornerstone of love and commitment. That is, until I watched the 12 contestants of The Ultimatum proudly embrace distorted definitions of romance and completely bulldoze their relationships over the course of the show’s ten episodes.   For the uninitiated, The Ultimatum’s official synopsis goes like this: “Get hitched or call it quits? Couples put their love to the test — while shacking up with other potential matches — in a provocative reality series.” Put simply, the show features six couples who sign up for a two-month-long experiment: they split up with each other and swap partners to figure out whether their original partner is actually the “one” for them — all while sharing the same space with their supposed exes.   Once each of the 12 contestants decide on a new partner from the lot, they embark on a trial marriage with them for three weeks, which involves sharing a home, going out for dates, and getting… physically intimate. After 21 days, they go back to their original partners and repeat the same trial marriage before coming to a decision. They have two options in front of them: either propose to their original partners or then, dump them and run away with their new-found connections. If this sounds too wild to be true, be rest assured that it is both of these things. It also makes for sensational television — and that’s an indisputable fact. [caption id=“attachment_10587341” align=“alignnone” width=“640”] Nick Lachey, Vanessa Lachey in a still from the show | Netflix[/caption] In many ways, The Ultimatum is the spiritual successor of Netflix’s Love is Blind, the dating reality show which claimed that it was possible to fall in love with someone without having ever met them and also, think of marrying them in three weeks. Like Love is Blind, The Ultimatum hinges on fast-tracking the process of romance and by effect, increasing the margin of error in decision-making. Both shows are also hosted by Nick and Valessa Lachey, who are fast turning out to be the dating gurus of the modern era. But I’d also argue that the reason behind the overnight catastrophic popularity of The Ultimatum hasn’t only got to do with our collective obsession with voyeurism or reality shows. Instead, it stems more so from the fact that the show strips the sugar coating off love and romance, showing it off as nothing more than a matter of convenience. The idea for the show is simultaneously a stroke of genius and a trainwreck.   What’s even more ridiculous about the swap-gate is that these six couples essentially give each a hall-pass to cheat with other potential matches and then proceed to get mad when their partners end up developing feelings for other people. Take for instance, Jake and April. From the first second of the first minute of the show, April, all of 23, makes it amply clear that she wants to get married and have a baby. Jake, her partner of two years, on the other hand uses every opportunity to point out that April forced him to appear on the show. The 26-year-old isn’t exactly sold on the idea of marriage either, which ideally should have been enough reason for the pair to break up instead of agreeing to have their relationship troubles broadcasted to the internet. But then again, this is a show about a bunch of people who claim to be in love but are actually masters of ignoring red flags. On his part, Jake uses the show’s premise to develop a new connection with 24-year-old Rae, which leads to epic showdowns between April and him, lots of tears, and ultimately heartbreak. [caption id=“attachment_10587081” align=“alignnone” width=“640”] A still from Ultimatum: Marry or Move on | Netflix[/caption] Unlike Jake, Rae is the one who gave an ultimatum to her 25-year-old boyfriend Zay — demanding effectively that he marry her because as she states in her own words, “I stay in the gym, I have a degree, I cook, I clean, and I know how to fuck.” Still, when Zay or the show asks her to articulate exactly why she believes so strongly in this relationship, she rarely has an answer. Instead of working on her innumerable issues with Zay (which culminates into a violent physical showdown in the eighth episode), Rae seems more invested in exploring a future with Jake. The plot similarly thickens with two other 24-year-olds: Shanique who gives an ultimatum to 26-year-old Randall, and Madlyn whose 25-year-old cowboy hat-wearing boyfriend Colby demands a commitment from her. From the onset, Madlyn seems pretty annoyed with Colby — which I would be too, if I was dating him. Not only is Madlyn totally out-of Colby’s league but over the course of the show, he also proves to be an archetype of the overbearing, arrogant man who justifies his gaslighting ways with his niceness. It’s an utterly frustrating experience to watch Madlyn continue to forgive Colby time and again when she should have really just run far, far away from him. But this isn’t reality, it’s the Ultimatum, so of course Madlyn and Colby end up together. Shanique is a mini-Colby of her own, frequently treating Randall like an app who should be capable of reading her mind. Ofcourse, all is forgiven because in case you didn’t notice, they’re in love! The remaining two couples — Alexis and Hunter and Nate and Lauren — turn out to be relatively unscathed from the preposterous premise of the reality show’s social experiment. On the night they have to choose a new partner for themselves, Hunter and Nate decide to instead propose marriage to their own partners. Sure, I’d deem it a happy ending if their relationships didn’t seem so combustible. Nate for instance, wants babies and Lauren is against having any  — both are unwilling to change their minds although Nate does a pretty good job in making Lauren think she wants to change her stance. And still, they believe it’s a great idea to compromise and be together even if that means risking resenting each other for an entire lifetime. If this is not love, what is? That’s exactly the question that the makers of The Ultimatum want viewers to ask themselves while watching the series. Is there really a “one” for someone or can anyone become the “one” if they really wanted to be that for you?

On one hand, the show underlines the importance of commitment — of agreeing to stick to a partner without any questions or doubts — and on the other hand, it also manages to trivialise the very meaning of committing to someone.  

I remember watching Love is Blind a couple of years ago and feeling almost convinced by the show’s central thesis — that loving anyone is easy if you’re under the same roof for an extended period of time. If that show was all about underlining that it is seemingly possible to love without conditions, The Ultimatum takes the exact opposite route, reducing love to an exercise in socially acceptable blackmail.   That is to say, if there’s one absolute reason why the show has managed to strike such a nerve with audiences across demographics and continues, it’s probably because it asserts — in as many words — that like every single thing in our lives, love is ultimately just another transaction between two people. Feelings are flexible as long as you end up finding someone who proves to be the best equipped to handle this specific transaction. Our generation, spoiled by the parachute of unlimited options, has spent much of our 20s and 30s swiping left and right on potential matches with this very same mindset. The only difference is that the contestants in The Ultimatum decide to vigorously swipe away their love lives in real time. Is Love Blind_?_ Is it Too Hot to Handle? Or is it about Dating Around? Netflix seems to have made up its mind with its newest dating phenomenon: it is a social experiment. With a second season around, I suppose it’s high time we start wrapping our heads around that thought. The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On is streaming on Netflix.

Poulomi Das is a film and culture writer, critic, and programmer. Follow more of her writing on  Twitter. Read all the  Latest News ,  Trending News ,  Cricket News ,  Bollywood News ,  India News  and  Entertainment News  here. Follow us on  Facebook,  Twitter and  Instagram.