Junior, the star of Entertainment, talks about working with Akshay, Sonu Sood

(Disclaimer: The following piece is satire and means no offence to anyone at all. This includes Sonu Sood.)

Not many people in the industry get top billing in a cast that includes Akshay Kumar and an alarmingly low percentage of these are dogs. Junior, the Bangkok-based golden retriever and star of Farhad-Sajid’s Entertainment, gets the credit of being one of the few to have broken that glass ceiling. We managed to catch him for a quick chat right after a preview screening of his debut film on a humid evening outside Bandra’s Globus theatre. Junior plays the eponymous character in Entertainment, who is an heir to a Rs 3,000 crore fortune in a mansion in Bangkok and also infallibly noble, brave, and badass.

Turns out, Junior is also really chatty.

Here are incomplete but uncensored excerpts from our conversation:

Suprateek: Hey man, nice to catch you just before you fly back to Bangkok. How did it feel to watch yourself act on screen?

Junior: Nice to meet you too, man. This was fun. I quite liked my look, my action sequences and the scene in which I get treated at a human hospital. You know, where Akshay Kumar pretends to punch me to jump-start my heart. Vets might have a heart attack, but it’s all about the magic of the movies, right? However, I do feel I was a bit too obvious in that other scene…

S: What scene?

J: That scene where Sonu Sood came really close to my face and I turned my face away like he had bad breath?

S: Oh yeah, that. What about it?

J: Well, I wasn’t acting so much as reacting, if you get what I’m saying.

S: Yes, totally. All right, so let me ask you, actually. How do you think the film turned out versus what you shot?

J: I thought it was okay. I mean, yeah, it’s Bollywood, so it’s absolutely insane. But it wasn’t a bad time at the movies.

S: Oh, really? So, you’re fully aware of mainstream Indian cinema, huh?

J: Oh yeah, man. Movies in India are like movies nowhere else in the world. You guys act like logic is a precious natural resource or something.

S: Wow. I mean, yes, I agree with you. Take that scene with you and the 100-odd dogs facing off against Akshay Kumar, Prakash Raj, and Sonu Sood, for instance.

J: Yeah, I mean, I don’t even know how and where they found a bulldog that ugly, by the way. No one should look like that in my presence. And he even got a line. Or a growl. Or whatever that sound effect was supposed to be. I’m the only dog who gets to bark properly though.

S: I was actually talking about how the scene was really stupid and over-the-top, and featured slapstick along the lines of the Home Alone movies.

J: Yeah, I get what you’re saying. I agree with all of that. Just felt like I needed to say that. I also felt really bad for the poor dog who had to bite Sonu Sood’s crotch. I know art involves sacrifice and dedication, but this is a bit much.

S: Why do you hate Sonu Sood so much?

J: I don’t, actually. He was a great guy to hang out with. So was Akshay. He, I think, has mastered the art of giving a satisfying paycheck performance no matter what the script, which explains why he’s so chill all the time. Johny Lever too – great guy. Most of us hung out all the time, barring Tamannaah.

S: Why not her?

J: We decided there needed to be a cut-off limit on the number of people hanging out, based on a certain minimum level of acting ability. She also kept calling me ‘Junnu’ and no one gets to call me that except my girlfriend.

S: Ouch, bro. Anyway, so tell me, what other thoughts did you have about the movie in relation to your role?

J: Well, I really liked seeing how certain scenes turned out, like that scene where Akshay sir and I are circling each other. I had fun acting in front of a green screen even though the results looked like something Hollywood shot in the late ‘80s. Then there was the one where I kept electrocuting him and Krushna Abhishek (Akshay’s Bollywood-obsessed sidekick) and they hit each other on the crotch.

S: That happens a lot in the movie, I must say.

J: Even I thought that, and I’m not even human.

S: So, do you think people will come watch this movie?

J: I have a feeling kids will love it, mostly because of me. College students will be divided between me and that Krushna fellow’s Bollywood puns. All 17 of Sonu Sood’s die-hard fans will definitely watch it.

S: Seriously, you and he need to sort things out. Okay, I know you need to go now, but I have one last question: any other Bollywood films in the pipeline?

J: I don’t think so. Life is short enough in dog-years as it is.