Game of Thrones season 8: Letters to Jon Snow, from his willfully ignored direwolf Ghost
Location: Somewhere in the extreme North of the Seven Kingdoms. A lone direwolf (some call him Ghost) sends missives to his neglectful master, Jon Snow. To be read to the tune and rhythm of Eminem's 'Stan', from whose lyrics these letters *may* have been adapted.
Dear Jon, I wrote you but still ain't come callin'
I left my paw print and a snout mark at the bottom
I sent two ravens back in autumn, you must not-a got 'em
There probably was a problem at the rookery or somethin'
Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I claw 'em
But anyways, f*ck it, what's been up? Man, how's your dragon?
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan
I even understand the underground shit that you pulled with Sam
I got a room full of your posters and your pictures man
I like the shit you did with Tormund too, that shit was phat
Anyways, I hope you get this man, hit me back,
Just to chat, truly yours,
Your biggest fan.
Dear Jon, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have a chance
I ain't mad, I just think it's f*cked up you don't answer fans
If you didn't wanna talk to me outside your castle
You didn't have to, but you coulda taken me along on one of your battles
I waited in the blistering cold for you
For four hours and you just said, "No."
That's pretty shitty man, you're like my f*ckin' idol
I ain't that mad though, I just don't like bein' lied to
Remember when we met near Winterfell, you said you'd keep me forever?
See I'm just like you in a way
I never knew my mother neither
She was killed by a stag, its antlers beat her
I can relate to what you're doing in your wars
So when I have a shitty day, I drift away and think about 'em all
'Cause I don't really got shit else so that shit helps when I'm depressed
I even got a tattoo of your name across my furry chest
See everything you say is real, and I respect you 'cause you tell it
The other direwolves would get jealous 'cause I talked about you 24/7
Daenerys don't know you like I know you Jon, no one does
She don't know what it was like for people like us growin' up,
You gotta call me man, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose
Sincerely yours, Ghost.
P.S. we should be together soon.
Dear Mister "I'm Too Good To Call Or Write My Fans"
This will be the last raven I ever send your ass
It's been a season-and-a-half and still no word, I don't deserve it?
I know you got my last two letters, I clawed the addresses on 'em perfect
So this is my message I'm sending you, I hope you hear it
I'm in the lands north of Winterfell now,
You know the story by Old Nan, "In the Air of the Long Night"
About that guy who could a saved that other guy from drowning
But didn't, and at the Trident found him?
That's kinda how this is, you could a rescued me from drowning
Now it's too late, I'm a thousand leagues away, I'm drowsy
And all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call
I hope you know I ripped all of your pictures off the wall
I love you Jon, we coulda been together, think about it
You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it
And when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you scream about it
I hope your conscience eats at you and you can't breathe without me
And when the Night King comes, you can't fight without me
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the Wall now
Oh shit, I forgot, how am I supposed to send this shit out?
Updated Date: Apr 21, 2019 11:56:35 IST
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