Congratulations! Kiara Advani has ‘arrived’

The latest episode of _Koffee With Karan_ is far more interesting than the last two episodes featuring cousins Sonam Kapoor - Arjun Kapoor (both inherently dull conversationalists) and then there were the Punjabi brothers Sidharth Malhotra and Vicky Kaushal , one more disengaging than the other. Shahid Kapoor and Kiara Advani , designated by host Karan Johar as “coffee veteran” and “coffee virgin,” respectively, are not quite the best of conversationalists at the best of times. The fun was to be had in decoding their behaviour on the couch. One had to read between the lines to see how hard Shahid was trying to be the sweet affable sporting co-star and how much Ms Advani was sucking up to her host and her couch companion. It was virtually a gush binge for the pretty actress. For her, Shahid Kapoor was the man of the match, the entrepreneur of the year, the actor of the decade and the light of her life, at least until the show was over. I’ve never seen such an incessant flow of goodwill before. It would have been embarrassing were it not so transparently obsequious and desperate.

But the primary target for gush was the host Karan Johar. Kiara set new boundaries for sales pitch by declaring, with no irony whatsoever, that by coming on the Koffee couch she has now acquired the reputation of an important screen queen. I remember Jaya Bachchan once telling me, “Heroines felt they had arrived only when Lata Mangeshkar sang for them. Until she is your voice you are just not important.” Waheeda Rehman , Madhubala , Nargis and Hema Malini also felt the same: Lataji’s voice added a steep stature to an actress. Now it’s of course Karan Johar’s couch. Congratulations to Kiara. She has finally made it. The _Kabir Singh_ actress also credited Karan Johar with her debut orgasm. On-screen, we mean. In Karan Johar’s Lust Stories, Kiara had the singular privilege of simulating the first on-camera orgasm in Hindi cinema. “With your help, of course, Karan,” Kiara giggled. Boy, this woman sure knows how to make the right noises. Shahid designated her the No.1 actress of the country. For gossipmongers, Karan Johar’s service to the nation during this segment of his talk show is that he succeeded, more or less, in getting Ms Advani to admit that she and Sidharth Malhotra are a couple. Not that she actually said it. But she didn’t deny it either. According to Karan, it is so “last season” to deny a relationship. As last season as showing some respect for actors who are not present to defend themselves. Shahid, otherwise a gentleman, spoke about wanting to “bitchslap” a co-star. “And you also want to bitchslap her, Karan,” Shahid added helpfully. It doesn’t require too much inside knowledge to know whom the two were giggling so conspiratorially about. Shahid also stated that he was never insecure about any co-star. That isn’t quite the truth. There are stories from the sets of Sanjay Leela Bhansali ’s _Padmaavat_ that tell another story. Subhash K Jha is a Patna-based film critic who has been writing about Bollywood for long enough to know the industry inside out. He tweets at @SubhashK_Jha. Read all the  Latest News ,  Trending News ,  Cricket News ,  Bollywood News ,  India News  and  Entertainment News  here. Follow us on  Facebook,  Twitter and  Instagram