Onir on his book I Am Onir and I am Gay: ‘I hope to empower the LGBTQ community’

National Award-winning filmmaker Onir, whose directorial debut, My Brother Nikhil, broke new ground in LGBT representation on the silver screen, has penned down his memoir titled ‘ I Am Onir and I Am Gay’. Laying bare the struggles and triumphs, the memoir offers readers a rare glimpse of Onir ’s life — his childhood days in Bhutan to when he was a young man with no connections in the Hindi film industry, and later, when he faced “turbulent times” including difficult conversations about identity and resilience.

The book, published under Penguin’s Viking imprint, is co-written by Onir and his sister, film editor-screenwriter Irene Dhar Malik. It will be out on June 28.  In an interview with Firstpost, the filmmaker talks about the idea behind the memoir, the representation of LGBTQI+ in society, and if the perception has changed for good.

When did you decide to write this memoir?

It happened accidentally and was not something I had planned. I was discussing with my agent, Kanishka the rights to another book about four-five years back which I wanted to adapt into a film. He was the first one who started pressuring me saying you know, I think you should write because it will help a lot of people from the community. I think I was very reluctant because I thought it was too early to write and then kept on talking about it over the years.

In 2021, when the lockdown was also there and he again spoke and then I spoke to my sister Irene, and then we thought that maybe it’s not a bad idea because not too many people from the industry or otherwise who are out and proud and who can even say without hesitation that I am gay. So I thought maybe that empowers a lot more youngsters who are trying to deal with their identity or people who are not from the Queer community but who are part of our lives, who understand us better, who understands our journey better. I thought that maybe it might just empower a few more people who can navigate their lives and that’s why my sister and Kanishka said that you should go ahead and I started working.

Why do you think this memoir is important?

I think it empowers more people to be proud of themselves and to understand nobody has the right to demean them. Whatever their preferences might be, whatever their sexuality might be, whatever their gender might be, they should be treated with pride and with love and celebrated.

Equality is non-negotiable, says the tagline of your book but do you think in India, LGBT rights are protected on paper but discrimination and homophobia persist?

Absolutely. I feel that though the Supreme Court verdict (in 2018) was a huge step still, we are far away from being in an equal society. Today there is constant resistance be it marriage rights, be it adoption rights, be it other civil rights. Why should we be discriminated against? Apart from it, there is also resistance within the family, and within society. People will be constantly telling the LGBT people that they don’t have to show their affection publicly but why should our affection offend anybody. Who are they to decide what are the limits to our lives?

I feel that as a society we are still far away. In bigger cities, there is still much more dialogue but a huge section of our population lives in rural and smaller towns, and it’s much much more difficult than it is in bigger cities.

From the first chapter titled ‘ The First Crush’ to the last one that is ‘ Thinking of You’, you chose not to name the person with whom you were in a relationship. Was that intentional?

Yes, because I do not have the right to name anybody especially if someone is in the closet, if someone is not open about his identity, I do not have the right to talk about that person. But our memories were precious and I wanted to share that without in any manner disrespecting their privacy.

Also, you write about your beautiful friendship with Sanjay Suri and Raveena Tandon and you have directed them too. Is it right to say that you work with those who are your friends in real life?

For me, filmmaking is a journey through which we also build precious relationships. It’s not only about making the film but you connect with people. I also believe that there is a set of people with whom I would like to work more but the doors and windows of this camp are open and not closed. As I constantly worked with a lot of newcomers like in my next film, I am introducing five newcomers who don’t come from the industry as such.

Your films beautifully portrayed the life and struggles of LGBTQ onscreen so how do you think this has helped the entire community?

I feel my films like ’ My Brother Nikhil’, and ’ Shab’ are a representation of us through our gaze. Like I feel that how women filmmakers represent women differently, in the same way, there is something called queer gaze and I feel that someone who is out and proud of being gay looks at our lives differently. Right from ’ My Brother Nikhil’, to ’ Shab’, people from our community connect and feel empowered.

They were important films not just for the community but for others to understand. I like telling stories of people who are not spoken about, who are kind of marginalized.

You also recalled the fake molesting case by a guy in 2011 so how did that moment change your life?

Of course, it affected me and it made me more wary of people and it made me put up my guards. At the same time, it made me feel more loved because the kind of love and support I got was more precious.

You also spoke about your anxious situation during censor certification for ‘My Brother Nikhil’ and wondered if the film would still get the same certificate with the current guideline. Would you like to talk about that?

I feel that ‘My Brother Nikhil’ was made and celebrated in 2005 when we were still criminalized by law. In 2011 when we were still criminalized by law, I could make  ‘I Am’ and we got National Awards for the film. In 2017 when we were still criminalized by law, we managed to make ‘Shab’. Though with each film, it took me much longer and many more fights with the film certification board to get it out but in 2022 after we are being decriminalized, we didn’t get NOC for my film ‘We Are’ and that’s why we could not even shoot.

I feel we are becoming less empowered to tell my stories. I can’t tell stories about fights and family acceptance, I have done that in 2005 so I want to explore other stories and I feel that I am not able to do so.

Are you worried that ‘Pine Cone’ may face censor troubles?

Honestly, I am not thinking. I enjoyed the shoot and it has been a beautiful experience working with so many people. Five newcomers are introduced and I have also introduced a new music director to the film so I am not thinking anything negative right now.

Final words as we are celebrating pride month too?

For me, it’s the tagline of the book that says ’ Equality is non-negotiable’. Nobody has the right to say why you want so much. It’s important to not just speak up about our rights but also about other people’s rights because if we don’t stand up for everybody then we don’t deserve what we are supposed to.

Nivedita Sharma’s work experience includes covering fashion weeks in Milan, Pakistan, Vancouver, Hong Kong, Dubai, and award functions like IIFA, and TOIFA. 

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