Kamala Harris as potential next US vice-president is massive boost for India on world stage... and other porky pies

“A proud day for us all,” said Ramashray H*, as he watched Kamala Harris deliver her speech at the Democratic National Convention (DNC), and in doing so, accept the vice-presidential nomination from her party. “It was only a matter of time till America recognised her value,” added the budding poet, whose father is an acquaintance of the tech blogger who once backed a Kickstarter initiative by the nephew of a man who could have delivered milk to a distant cousin of Harris’. But didn’t, because he was unwell and chose a different career upon his recovery. Like Ramashray, there are millions-… okay, tens (probably) of others dotted all over India who have been high-fiving each other and thumping each other vigorously across the back ever since news trickled in that former vice-president Joe Biden had invited Harris to join his ticket and take on President Donald Trump and Vice-President Mike Pence in the US election in November.

“You see, Kamala is like kamal,” Dhananjay Sawant* told FP Special Forces, before smiling serenely and looking off into the distance.

Upon being prodded for more details, the pop culture blogger (A detail that would have been useful if it had been uncovered before interviewing him - Eds) elaborated, “You see, the lotus, as Wikipedia tells us, is the symbol of what is divine or immortal in humanity, and is also a symbol of divine perfection. Somewhat like the Netflix show, Dark, which is a different sort-…” Better information could probably procured elsewhere, we decided and moved on. After all, the story of all the myriad ways in which a Harris vice-presidency would be beneficial for India would have to be told by voices that reflected greater awareness and, for want of a better word, relevance. Wiping his horn-rimmed spectacles meticulously with a microfibre cloth, a software engineer-turned-publisher of children’s books told us, “We have a lot in common”. Encouraged by this chance to learn more about the US Senator from California’s deeper commonalities with the country of her origin, we asked for details. “She is Kamala Harris and I am Harish Kamal*,” he grinned and enthusiastically offered, “With the exception of one H, one A and one R, we have all the other letters of our names in common. And I feel this common touch will be good for India.” After strongly considering moving on to our next, Harish attempted to appeal to our superstitious side. “You know how 15 August saw India complete 73 years of Independence? Well, it was on that day that MS Dhoni (whose favoured jersey number is 7) and Suresh Raina (whose favoured jersey number is 3) retired,” he explained, his eyes widening with every word and head nodding slowly and knowingly. “Just like that,” the publisher of such books as The Cat Who Went on Amarnath Yatra continued, “Harris mentioned the word ‘India’ or ‘Indian’ three times in her speech on three occasions; she spoke on the third day of the Democratic convention; and she and I have three extra letters of the alphabet in our names.” Having switched off the DNC telecast as soon as Billie Eilish was done performing, we weren’t entirely sure what Harris said in her speech. But three mentions of India sounded like a bit of a porky pie. For those of you who enjoy it when the text references the headline of a piece, you can have this one. And for everyone else, while it’s not quite a pie — that is to say it is in no fathomable way a pie, we figured something’s better than nothing. So here then is a video of Harris enjoying a lovely pork chop:

Finally got my pork chop! pic.twitter.com/3LUSKorixU

— Kamala Harris (@KamalaHarris) August 11, 2019

Great stuff, but we’re still looking for something more concrete about just how Harris will be beneficial for, and dare we say it, a ‘master stroke’ for India. Enter Delroy Das*. A keen observer of India-US relations, Das offered to field any and all of our questions pertaining to just how Harris would ensure India benefited on the global stage and in bilateral relations with the US. “In her speech, she spent some time talking about her mother and said a very important thing: ‘And she raised us to know and be proud of our Indian heritage’,” Das pointed out, punctuating each word of the quoted sentence with a tap of his right index finger. Edited excerpts of the extremely brief interview with Das follow: So what does it all mean? Well, it means that the greatness of Indian heritage will be out there for all the world to see and the global recognition of its splendour will soon follow. In what ways has her Indian heritage informed her decision-making and choices in her career as a politician or laywer so far? None of that is important. What’s important is that Shyamala Gopalan’s daughter is set to be the first Indian-origin person to be American vice-president. Weren’t we given to believe that the Trump administration was good for India? Yes, but he’s not Indian. Neither is Biden or Harris for that matter. But you are missing the point. Which is? India’s stature has been raised much higher on the global stage and now she has the backing of 1.3 billion Indians. None of whom can vote for her though. Right? … Mr Das? …

***

Maybe we’ll have better luck learning just how Kamala Harris as vice-president will be good for India at next week’s Republican National Convention. After all, it’s bound to make more sense than this lot above. Right?

* Marked names are a figment of the imagination, much like the quoted persons themselves