Digital Romance: Teens say breaking up over text is not cool, make it 'personal'

NEW YORK: Sarah, 17, a nursing school dropout, spends the day nannying an Indian-American 2 year old in Menlo Park, California, while the child’s parents pursue their high paying careers in Silicon Valley. [caption id=“attachment_2510672” align=“alignleft” width=“380”]  Schoolgirls with their smartphones in New York City/ Reuters[/caption] Sarah has strict instructions from her employer - no texting while at work. “These rules suck but the money’s good,” says Sarah - she pockets $ 2000 a month. She gets off work after the family has dinner. And, the nights are always free. Like a strange flower that blooms in the dark, Sarah emerges from her bathroom wearing low cut dresses, her face radiant, her long hair combed out, her daytime frown is now a lovestruck smile into her smartphone. She slams the door leading into her room. Soon, loud laughter, giggles, angry outbursts, endearments filter through the 4 inch walls, a daily saga of heartbreak and passion played out entirely online. Many teens want to stay ‘embedded’ with their romantic partner on an hourly format. So, Sarah’s ‘boyfriends’ have a problem with her being unreachable for so many hours a day and they pour out their  woes in this nocturnal lovefest. “I have three boyfriend now,” she giggles. Two of them she has never met, one of them is back home in the Philippines and “he does not like the two new guys.” It’s 9 pm in Menlo Park, 6 pm in the US East Coast, 6 am in Manila. Digital romance knows no time zone. A recent study says 8 out of 10 teen daters expect to hear from their significant other at least once a day, and 11% expect to hear from them hourly. This constant hankering for surveillance and the ability to do it across platforms leads to jealously and fights. Like Sarah’s crisis tonight. The new guy in her “love life” who she has never met has put a photo collage of Sarah and himself on his facebook profile. The dude back home is scolding Sarah in Tagalog, saying “you’re two timing me!” She tells the new guy to get that picture off and he is resisting it. She blocks him and buys peace with boyfriend # 1 who works at a call center in Manila. Sarah’s not alone in this. One in three teens report having blocked or unfriended someone who was making them uncomfortable. Only half the number of boys do the same thing. Research out this month shows up that a little over 30 % of teens have gotten involved romantically with someone online who they have never met in person. The same study also says that post-breakup, girls are more likely to go the all or nothing route. At least 44% of teen girls blocked or unfriended an ex on social media, compared with 31% of boys. Girls who date (46%) are also more likely than boys (30%) to delete or untag photos from a previous relationship. Some romantic traditions are unchanging though. “Make it personal” still works for a teenage boy to ask a girl out. Not text, not facebook, but straight on, in person. It’s the same for breaking up too. Of six options, teens rate a personal meeting the best way to break up even if it’s really hard to do. On a 1-10 scale, this method gets more than 8 points. Breaking up over the telephone comes second with 5.4 points and texting is way down third. Hitch is that although text is “viewed” low down in the acceptability ranking, the real world pattern of data says that’s how most teen romances flame out. Text. Two check marks turn blue. Swipe left. Delete.