Bigly Yuge: Texas Republicans tricked into judging gaumutra competition say they feel benefits

Prominent Texas Republicans who were invited to judge a competition to decide the finest gaumutra in the state said their initial misgivings about the competition were washed away after just a few gulps of the exotic drink. Among the judges were celebrated Islamophobes @Bethvanduyne and @glennbeck. Van Duyne is running for the US Congress and Beck is a veteran radio host and conspiracy theorist of note. The event was organised by wealthy Indian Americans with interests in the dairy and wellness sectors. Its anodyne invitation material described it only as a traditional beverage tasting affair that offered Texas politicians a way to connect with Desi voters ahead of the November elections. Some of the graphics at stalls — detailing the procurement of the beverage alongside portraits of the source — made the judges somewhat apprehensive. However, they were spotted taking vigorous tasting notes soon enough. Beck scribbled that the ‘tonic’ should be made mandatory under a Republican healthcare plan, because the effects were instantaneous. Its ‘nose of calf, hint of methane and smokey trotters, notwithstanding — ELIXIR’, wrote Beck. Hiace Patel (Toyota to his friends) won the competition for a blend called Triveni (sourced from three calves) and pledged the community’s support to the Republicans. This is a work of satire The writer is a journalist and author of Aarushi_, an account of the murder investigation and ensuing trial_