Bigly Yuge: Donald Trump announces national mask mandate after Halloween brainwave

'The idea came to the President as he watched Halloween trick or treating between campaign stops in Pennsylvania,' said a White House spokesperson

Avirook Sen November 01, 2020 11:27:58 IST
Bigly Yuge: Donald Trump announces national mask mandate after Halloween brainwave

File image of US president Donald Trump. AP

Two days before the US election and several months of constantly hearing ‘Covid, Covid, Covid’, Donald Trump has announced a nationwide mask mandate. His top advisers see this as a victory for both science and politics.

“The idea came to the President as he watched Halloween trick or treating between campaign stops in Pennsylvania. He gave specific orders almost immediately”, said a White House spokesperson.

Trump’s advisory recommends the use of Halloween pumpkins for women, and fuller PPP gear for men, like those originally designed by the KKK. An indicative video has been helpfully attached with the release.

The Trump campaign is invigorated and inspired by the development. “Not only does this stop all the democratic whining about masks, it also gives our supporters a uniform. That’s the kind of brilliant mind this President possesses.”

The uniforms will come in especially handy on election day, says the Trump camp, whose preparations for civil unrest are all in place. “Our supporters will easily identify each other on the battlefield, reducing friendly fire casualties to zero — like no battle has ever seen before.”

The reference appeared to be to the Battle of the Border in Texas shortly after Trump was elected. Two hunters reached the border in their armoured recreational vehicles that night, on the hunt for Mexicans. But in the heat and chaos of battle, they shot each other because no Mexican was to be found.

This is a work of satire

The writer is a journalist and author of Aarushi, an account of the murder investigation and ensuing trial

Updated Date:

also read

Who is Sister Wilhelmina Lancaster, the Missouri nun whose body was found intact four years after death?
Explainers

Who is Sister Wilhelmina Lancaster, the Missouri nun whose body was found intact four years after death?

People are rushing to a rural Missouri town to view the intact remains of Sister Wilhelmina Lancaster, who died in 2019. This process – where the body does not decay naturally – is called incorruptibility in Catholicism. Even though it is rare, this is not the first instance of an incorrupt corpse

Senate passes debt limit bill, averts first-ever US default
World

Senate passes debt limit bill, averts first-ever US default

The US Senate on Thursday passed the debt limit with a comfortable majority of 63 votes to 36 a day after it had sailed through the House of Representatives

US 'Javelin' misses mark: Anti-tank missile meant for Ukraine lands up with Mexican gangster
World

US 'Javelin' misses mark: Anti-tank missile meant for Ukraine lands up with Mexican gangster

Over the past year, more than 10,000 Javelin missiles have been sent to Ukraine from US military stockpiles, resulting in dwindling supplies for the US armed forces themselves