#PrideTalk For Beginners: The Guysexual’s Guide To Lame Excuses That Won’t Cut It Anymore

Unless you’ve been living under a (rather fabulous) rock,  you know that today marks the date for Mumbai’s 10th ever Queer Pride March — which means that thousands of LGBT individuals and their straight allies plan to take to the streets, because the government won’t take up their (or more importantly, our) cause. Now, if like me, you plan to show your support and march with your head up high - congratulations! I’ll see you on the other side. On the other hand, if you still need some convincing, don’t worry, because I’ve got a personal handbook that tells you exactly why you need to go and make your presence felt. Why is it important that you go? Because every person counts — and unless you are dealing with a life-threatening experience or an extreme case of diarrhoea, I see no reason for you not to walk the talk with your friends today. Still looking for a reason not to go, but don’t want to sound like a douchebag? Then here’s the Guysexual’s guide to lame excuses that just won’t cut it anymore: 1. ‘I don’t want to go because I don’t have anything to wear.’ Actually, you do — it’s called your personality. Now go flaunt it fabulously.  2. ‘But it’s Saturday!’ Blaming the day is for the week-hearted. Pun intended. 3. ‘I have a date lined up.’ Don’t be a drag — drag him to Pride instead. It’s easy on your pockets, and heavy on the charm. 4. ‘But I don’t have anyone to go with.’ Ask your sister. Ask your friend. Ask your next door neighbor. Ask your biology teacher (if she’s fun). You’ll be surprised how many people want to walk with you. And if you don’t find anyone else? Remember that there are hundreds (perhaps thousands) like you out there. Pride is all about celebrating love — so why not celebrate it with some new friends instead? 5. ‘I completely forgot it was today.’ That’s surprising, considering you haven’t forgotten that Keeping Up With The Kardashians comes back next week. 6. ‘Frankly, my dear, I think it’s a bit too much…’ Do you know what’s a bit too much for me? Your attitude. 7. ‘But it’s the same time as Sula Fest, and you know how I feel about wine…’ Side note:  no ensuing headaches and hangovers involved here. Heartwarming feels, on the other hand? No crate of Cabernet Sauvignon can ever provide those. 8. ‘Are you crazy? The whole of Grindr is going to be there!’ Of course, it is — but think of it this way — see someone you like? You don’t need to swipe right on them anymore. You just need to go start a conversation. And years down the line, when you are raising a toast at your wedding, you don’t need to lie about meeting each other at Starbucks. 9. ‘Is this all really necessary? Think about the children!’ Actually it’s really important BECAUSE you need to think about the children — generations of LGBT men and women have suffered through years of ridicule, slander and discrimination so that the youth (both straight and gay) could live in a more accepting (and acceptable) world. Now let them go own it. 10. ‘I’d rather support the cause from behind the curtains.’ Unless you are a lawyer who’s fighting section 377 at the roots, or a philantrophist who has donated millions to the cause, you aren’t doing your bit just by downing shots at the pre-Pride fundraiser. What helps instead? Putting those shot glasses down, and pulling up those socks instead. See, events like Pride are more than a celebration or a political statement: they are a place where you can connect with the movement, and learn about what small battles are being fought in your corner of the world. 11. “I would have definitely come, but I am heading to Bali for a vacation…” Instagram might be happy, but I am not. Vacations will come and go, but  city-wide movements will not. 12.  ‘My dog has a spa appointment…’ Bring him along. Every pair of feet that marches for Pride makes a difference and here,  your dog comes equipped with twice the usual number. 13. ‘I really don’t have a problem being there, but do people really have to be in my face? Why does everybody have to be so over-the-top?’ The real question is, why do you have to be such an a**hole? 14. ‘Why does it have to be in the middle of the afternoon?’ Consult point 13. 15. ‘I don’t really think it’s my thing.’ Is expressing yourself not your thing? Where else can you wear suspenders, a hat or even a tutu without being judged (sidenote: but not all together)? Yes, at Pride March. So don’t be that person. Come walk the talk. Like I said, I’ll see you at the finish line. — Illustration courtesy Amrai Dua