Identifying FPS Noobs

Noob / n00b [adjective]_
Meaning_ [In relation with gaming] –
Although the term ‘Noob’ is derived from ‘New Player’. However, someone who’s inexperienced in gaming or new to a particular game is NOT necessarily a noob. A n00b (a.k.a noob, newbie, newb, nub, nublet, etc.) is someone who’s exceptionally thick in the head and refuses to learn from experience. Most n00bs tend to display signs of mild (or in some cases, complete) retardation.

In multiplayer games where you’re required to work as a team, gamers usually shun having noobs on their side and prefer the company of pros (skilled gamers). I don’t blame them, having a noob in your team can severely handicap your team’s ability to perform even moderately well. Besides, having noobs in your team will surely ruin your gaming experience, as it isn’t fun when your noob teammate shoots you in the back in the heat of battle; makes you wanna stab them in the face repeatedly! I’ve lost track of the number of times my side’s lost games of say Day of Defeat: Source or Battlefield 2142 because of these dimwitted morons. To help you ensure that you stay away from these less-than-average skill leveled gamers, I’ve compiled a list of traits that’ll help you identify these idiots and stay miles away from them. After reading this feature, if you realize that you display similar traits, I urge you to make a conscious effort to improve the way to play so that you’d be an asset to a team, rather than the detested noob that kills his team…

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Trait #1
_Shootin’ the Bird
_

The recoil guns have is different from game to game. Although mastering recoil isn’t all that easy, even the dumbest of gamers know that when your recoil goes for a toss, you should ease up on the trigger, reacquire your target and only then resume shooting. Owing it to their less than adequate observation skills, most noobs don’t realize what recoil is, and they just pin down the trigger watching their crosshairs climb the sky. The only thing that can make them stop shooting, is the sound of the empty gun going ‘click click click’ out of frustration. Since most of the rounds from their guns go way above ground level, you can probably imagine how inefficient they are in combat. So the next time you see someone looking at the stars and firing, stop by and educate them on what recoil is.
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Trait #2
Playing Dead

Being sneaky in multiplayer matches is not only a good way to stack up some frags, it’s a great way to penetrate enemy lines. This is of course, only when it’s done right. Being stealthy is an art mastered only by practice and patience, something that most noobs don’t have. When noobs try to be stealthy, they usually hit the prone key, crawl around corners, and end up right in the middle of the action (that’s a place you don’t wanna be if you’re trying to sneak around). When spotted, they usually lie still, hoping that their enemy will leave them for dead. This is by far the most retarded display of stealth I’ve seen, and although the number of gamers that do this is few, it really disturbs me to imagine what they must be thinking. If you think that you lie prone in the middle of nowhere every once in a while, I suggest that you consider changing your tactics. Next time, try to find a bush, a corner or anything that even partially conceals you.
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Trait #3
Mr. Grenade… meet Mr. Wall

To even the odds in multiplayer FPS games, developers give all gamers an equally strong throwing arm. Although it might not be strong enough to lob a grenade (nade) miles away from the player, it’s strong enough to get the message (in the form of a cooked up nade) across. What I don’t understand, is how most noobs always manage to throw grenades at walls or on a flight of stairs instead of over them, after which it ends up rebounding and killing themselves. If your stick around them a lot, don’t be surprised if these noobs blow you and your entire team/squad into smithereens. Incase all this talk about killing teammates with nades reminds you of yourself, I recommend that from now on you anticipate the trajectory of your nade before throwing it. Always throw your nade well above your target, and make sure that the angle you throw it at is never too high or too flat.
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Trait #4
Sniping at point blank range

In games like Counter-Strike you can snipe pretty effectively at point blank range. However, in most other games the sniper rifles don’t allow you too much mobility or flexibility, making sniping at close range pretty pointless and inefficient. Most noobs don’t seem to understand this and continue to sniper at extremely close range. This usually ends up restricting their field of vision, leaving them vulnerable on their sides, making them a prime target to be stabbed in the back by sneaky enemies. The next time you see someone sniping people at close range, please send them a message and let them know that they should find a nice, secluded spot to snipe from that overlooks the action.
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Trait #5
“I thought you’re a bad guy!”

The number of times I’ve been slain by friendly fire in multiplayer team-bouts is not funny. One team-kill is understandable and can be credited to human err, but if your teammate kills you time and time again you should assume that he either doesn’t like you very much, or his judgment of friends and foes is blurred by a dense cloud of noob-ness. Either way one thing’s for sure, the noob(s) in your team drop your team’s efficiency to close to a zero, since you can’t win rounds/ capture flags/ defend your base while you’re dead. If you’re one of these team killing tards, I request you to be a little less trigger-happy, and check before you shoot. All you really have to do is watch your minimap or its equivalent and have a decent idea of where your teammates are. In this way you can anticipate which areas of the map will be sprawling with friendlies, so that you can practice some sort of trigger-restraint there to ensure that you don’t stick a bullet in your teammate’s skull.

Now that you know the traits of a noob, keep an eye an out for them and ensure that you either stay the hell away from them, or help them shed their noob-ness. Let’s work together and free the world off noob-ness.