Nishtha KanalJul 30, 2013 17:19:31 IST
You know you’re addicted to your smartphone. Don’t deny it. It’s probably sitting pretty right next to you or in your breast pocket at this moment. You’re consciously touching your pocket right now to check if it is still on you.
I don’t need to tell you what an important part of your life your smartphone is. Imagine having to go to take a dump and having to read instructions off a shampoo bottle instead of playing Angry Birds. Imagine not being able to Google that flowery word your hot date just used in a sentence. Imagine not having that lovely lady from Google help you navigate your way when you’re walking home after a very drunk night.
Even while a lot of people would admit that they’d rather leave their homes without a wallet but not their mobile phones, there are some places that should be completely smartphone free. Don’t look at me like I’ve come from another planet. There are places that should be considered sacrosanct as far as smartphones are concerned. Here’s a quick list of them.
I don't know who you're talking to, but I will find her and I will kill her (Image credit: Getty Images)
Need we elaborate? A Mobile Consumer Habits survey for this year has revealed that one in 10 people have admitted to using their phones while having sex and that’s just appalling. What are you even using your phone for; to live-tweet your bedroom exploits? “OMG! This was awesome” ?
You can probably hold on to ordering that pizza till after you’re done. Not only does using your phone while cuddling with your significant other make you look like a douche, you might end up on a very graphic episode of Emotional Atyachaar with him or her conducting a loyalty test on you to figure out exactly who it is you’ve been texting while you’re in bed with them. Sadly, your better half will not be able to take a shot at punching your Facebook account.
Believe it or not, smartphones have a mind of their own and will end up putting you in embarrassing situations. You totally do not want to end up butt-dialing your mom and then having to explain to her that you were not getting frisky with a girl but actually listening to a Justin Beiber song. The bottomline is, unless you’re using one of those tacky Kama Sutra applications available in the Google Play Store, make sure you keep your Droids and iDevices out of your bed.
Don't be this guy
At a funeral
Not the best place for your phone to wail, “Sun raha hai na tu, ro raha hoon main.” After having to bear looks from the weeping people like you possibly murdered the deceased, you will be the one shedding tears once the most solemn looking attendees are through with you.
Then again, when you have a smartphone, how can you resist the temptation of picking it up and checking out what your favourite group is chatting about on WhatsApp? Hold on to that thought, though – you really do not want to end up laughing at that Santa-Banta joke your neighbour sent you while you’re attending a funeral. And for the love of God, no one wants to see your Instagrammed images of flowers and long lost cousins from the funeral.
...I poked fun at him (Image credit: Comedy Central)
At a stand-up gig
We’ve all met obnoxious motor-mouths at movie theatres who yap on their smartphones constantly. Your “shush” to them is like a barking mangy mutt they come across while walking on the road – they’ll ignore you for a while and then shush you back. Thankfully for them, the actors in the flick do not care if they canoodle with their lovers over the phone in the middle of a movie. During a stand-up show, though, things are different.
Let’s just say, pissing a stand-up comic off with a loud ringtone is one of those things you should never be doing unless you regularly go back to mommy crying. Those guys get paid to rip on most of the audience. While it’s kind of fun to be the butt of the jokes if you’re sitting in the front row of the theatre, you sure don’t want to be noticed by them when you walk in late or have your phone ring loudly.
If you don’t intend to be reduced to tears, keep that smartphone away, and don’t even bother to look at it while the show is on, because the fodder hungry comedians will turn you into an example for days to come.
Campers' special (Image credit: Alittlecampy.com)
The full moon, the stars and your phone buzzing away indicating low battery – that’s a camping trip with a smartphone along. Let’s face it, a smartphone was not built for idyllic trips into the wild, at all. The constant dip in network, the battery dying out every few hours, your smartphone will be a liability on an outdoorsy trip.
I’ve witnessed seemingly sane friends of mine act possessed, hoisting their phones in their hands walking around with disturbed look on their faces, to try and find a single bar of network during a camping trip. Needless to say, natives of that little hamlet tried to kidnap a couple of them to try and drive the crazed spirits out of them.
If you’re the kind of person who goes on camping trips to “take a break” from your chaotic work and schedule, only to whip your phone out and check in to your hideout, you’re doing it wrong, bro. Give your smartphone a rest and try to relax. And if you get lost in the wild, hey, you always have the North Star to guide you. Besides, do you know what a mosquito magnet your phone’s display is?
Like the Hangover, only your parents and to-be spouse have all seen the pictures
At a bachelor/hen party
Hey, remember that video where your friend was doing shots off a stripper during his bachelor party? You might not remember it, but his now-wife does. YouTube can be the most awesome place to spend your free time on while you’re home on a cold, rainy afternoon. You know why? Because besides watching the regular music videos and cute animal clips, you almost always see videos of people making complete asses of themselves.
The Internet is a wonderful magic land. You may forget what happened at that crazy party, but the videos and photos shot and uploaded with your smartphone cameras will never. If you’re planning to be the perfect son-in-law or the adarsh bahu but want to have that final night out to enjoy your singledom, you might want to put a no-smartphone clause for all your guests. You may want pictures for posterity, but they’ll only end up being a pain in your posterior. Yes, we’re that funny.
In all seriousness, there are etiquettes that must be followed when it comes to using your smartphone in a particular setting. We know it’s difficult to tear yourself away from your beloved iPhone, Android or Windows Phone device when it pretty much runs your world for you, but hey, you wouldn’t want someone else to do the same around you, would you? Unless you’re this guy. It would be perfectly normal to keep your phone with you all the time if you’re this guy.
This guy (Image credit: Neurosciencemarketing.com)
(Cover image credit: Getty Images)
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