Why Michael Jordan wants to breathe, and why he can't

Michael Jordan may have been the most competitive professional athlete in history. Nothing drove Jordan more than the desire to win. And anything that fuelled that desire, that made it stronger, was welcome. During his basketball Hall-of-Fame induction speech, Jordan mentioned everyone he felt had slighted him in any way, real or perceived. These were the things that drove him. On Sunday, Jordan turned 50 and allowed ESPN’s Wright Thompson a rare glimpse into his inner world. Reaching his half-century has forced Jordan to reflect, to look back, to feel nostalgic, which are things he never did before. [caption id=“attachment_629996” align=“alignleft” width=“380”] Even Michael Jordan has to cope with getting old. Getty[/caption] His new fiance, 34-year-old Yvette Cuban, has helped him adjust a little bit better to the challenges of life away from the court, but the rage still burns and he is still looking for a way to channel it.

It was down in Florida, where he was spending time with Yvette’s Cuban family, that he got a taste of the life he’d traded for the jet-set circus of modern celebrity. They weren’t fawning – her grandparents, who speak little English, aren’t basketball fans – and he sat at a dinner table, with people laughing and eating home-cooked food. That’s what it was like growing up in Wilmington. “It’s gone,” he says. “I can’t get it back. My ego is so big now that I expect certain things. Back then, you didn’t.”

Thompson reveals that Yvette has dragged Jordan on fishing trips, where he learned to relax and unwind without worrying about the rush of competition. Once back home from his latest trip though, Jordan has been in the gym every morning, trying to get back to his playing weight of 218 pounds. He can’t help himself. Where he once terrorised opponents on the basketball court, he now finds anyway he can to satiate his competitive fire. He has won the title of Bejeweled DemiGod on his iPad, and challenged his friends to word-puzzle games.

He can see all the words at once, as he used to see a basketball court. “I can’t help myself,” he says. “It’s an addiction. You ask for this special power to achieve these heights, and now you got it and you want to give it back, but you can’t. If I could, then I could breathe.”

Above all else, the story provides a valuable look at how the greatest athletes deal with no longer being able to do what they did best. Mortality is something we all have to confront, but for those of us blessed with superior physical gifts, mortality is even harder to fathom. Read the full story here .