Manchester United is the most boring team in the Premier League

Only someone with the ego of Louis van Gaal would be able to live with the fact that most football pundits (and Manchester United followers) think that his team is the most boring in the Premier League – and continue with the same methods week in week out. The same methods which saw them lose to Swansea for the third time in a row (a 2-1 loss on Sunday evening). Forget about Club Brugge, a team that was 3-1 down from the first leg and conceded quickly at home to capitulate and even allowed a woefully out-of-form Wayne Rooney to score a hat-trick. The Premier League is a different ball game. The Premier League is not about winning the statistical battle, the possession percentage or the number of chances created. The Premier League is about winning with efficiency. Jose Mourinho did it with Chelsea last season, the Portuguese having to bear the brunt of being blamed for negative football when in fact his team played some lovely football early in the season . But his team was ruthless, and more importantly, winning. [caption id=“attachment_2414558” align=“alignleft” width=“380”]  Out of ideas. AP[/caption] If United were boring and winning, Van Gaal could be excused. But they look boring and incredibly inefficient – and that is the worst possible combination. To top it, United have signed bigger and better players over the last two years. Angel di Maria, Bastian Schweinsteiger, Ander Herrera, Memphis Depay, Radamel Falcao and Luke Shaw cost a lot of money – but they are still where they were when David Moyes took over. For two full seasons and four games of the third, they are the most sluggish team in the Premier League. United have completed 85 percent of their 2249 passes in four matches. That’s 368 passes more than Chelsea and puts them only behind Arsenal and Manchester City (with 2494 and 2255 passes respectively). But out of these, only 36 have been key passes or those which led to chances. That’s 10th best in the Premier League so far.

Juan Mata’s piercing passes and Depay’s cut-ins apart, there is nothing entertaining about the side. It’s more fun watching Sunderland come back and draw against Aston Villa – it’s more fun watching Everton and Tottenham Hotspur play out a 0-0 full of chances. It’s more fun watching newly promoted Bournemouth pour forward with the ambition of Real Madrid. These are the facts. United have scored three goals in four Premier League matches. Crystal Palace, Leicester, West Ham, Bournemouth, Everton, Southampton, Norwich and even bottom-of-the-table Sunderland have scored more. It’s ridiculous, to say the least. Almost unbelievable. But Van Gaal will keep saying at the end of the match: “We dominated”, “we created more chances”, “we don’t have luck at the moment.” These are empty words. A team with the likes of Wayne Rooney, Depay, Schweinsteiger, Juan Mata and Morggan Schneiderlin create their own luck. But Van Gaal simply doesn’t allow his players to play. There is zero creative freedom – everyone is a robot, not a human with the football skills superior to other fellow humans. If you knew how to follow orders and control a ball, you would be part of that United team.

For Van Gaal, winning possession is winning the points. Sadly for United fans, that is not the case Consider this: how many stepovers have you seen a United player attempt in this season and the last? How many shots from distance? How many dinks, flik-flaks, quick counter-attacks which stops your breath? You would be able to count them on your fingers. This makes the Swansea match more than just a mere loss. It was in fact a show of a loss of identity. Marauding wingers will be asked to check back, driving midfielders will be asked to look for the safer pass, acrobatic strikers will be asked to square the ball and physical defenders will be asked to play it out of danger than clear. And if all fails, thump the ball towards Marouane Fellaini. Not just a United fan, but a Premier League fan would be disappointed with this show. As Arsenal legend Ian Wright put it: “I haven’t got a clue what Van Gaal is trying to do. What’s their system? Surely Manchester United have got to play with a bit more pace and thrust and tempo. They seemed desperate.” Gary Neville stated very openly that he isn’t even considering United as title contenders. But that’s not even the most depressing part. After the match, Van Gaal, after his usual ‘we dominated’ statements, said: “The opponents changed their shape and we couldn’t cope.” Manchester United not being able to cope with a shape change against Swansea? Downright depressing – especially coming from the manager. If this was David Moyes, effigies would have been burnt, but Van Gaal’s reputation and record have insulated him to some degree. How much longer that will continue if Manchester United do not improve remains to be seen. The writer tweets @TheFalseNo9