FIFA World Cup 2018's lighter side: Kylian Mbappe mirrors Neymar, football screenings at British weddings and Russia's Red despair

Contactless card for Mbappé For all his flashes of brilliance, Neymar ultimately departed the World Cup covered in imaginary bruises rather than glory. Yet all is not lost for fans of superb but delicate megastars, because on Friday, France’s Kylian Mbappé stepped into the Brazilian’s gilded boots. Against Uruguay, the lightning-quick 19-year-old sparked a huge playground melee involving substitutes and staff when he crashed to the ground after defender Cristian Rodríguez brushed past him lightly. Clutching his stomach like a man who’d been force-fed a plate of prawns left out in the sun for a week, the young starlet provoked a furious reaction from the Uruguay team, which frankly came as no surprise. If this tournament has confirmed one thing, it’s that South American players simply will not tolerate theatrics and histrionics of any sort.

Mbappé recovered, presumably with the aid of some milk of magnesia, and will lead the attack in France’s semi-final on Tuesday. He received a booking for his Broadway efforts, but should be more worried about the circumstances surrounding the non-award of a penalty to Brazil against Belgium. When what looked like a clear foul by Vincent Kompany on Gabriel Jesus wasn’t given, even after being reviewed on VAR, former German striker Jürgen Klinsmann (working for the BBC) suggested the officials had been subliminally influenced by the relentless cry wolf nonsense of Neymar. If even Klinsmann, who during his own playing days spent more time on the floor than the average carpet, thinks referees are showing confirmation bias against play-actors, then Mbappé and other would-be thespians should probably heed the warning. Fellaini smiling from ear to ear After one of Belgium’s numerous counter-attacks in the first half against Brazil broke down, the man leading it, Marouane Fellaini, gestured to his teammates to shout a bit louder to counter the din at Kazan. This was notable for a couple of reasons. Firstly, despite the magnificence of the midfielder’s frizzy orb of hair, its ear-smothering existence makes you wonder if his colleagues’ timid vocal chords were the main problem in this instance. Secondly, his numerous detractors were doubtless smirking at the idea of Fellaini missing a pass, a not uncommon occurrence, due to communication problems rather than foot-misconnecting-with-ball problems. Fellaini has been criticised for his lack of finesse almost as much as his manager, Roberto Martinez, was sneered at for his failure to turn Everton, hardly a footballing powerhouse during the last 25 years, into a global superpower. His two bottom-half finishes on Merseyside were indeed far from impressive, but from the way his appointment as Belgium coach was greeted, you would have thought the nation of waffles had appointed a tub of ice-cream its manager instead of someone with a proven record of fine football on limited budgets. Martinez spoke openly after the game about his tactical switches that bamboozled Brazil, but was typically self-deprecating in deflecting all the plaudits towards his players. “I’ve never lost a game on a tactics board,” he noted. “It’s about execution.” In this regard, Fellaini was superb. Eden Hazard, Kevin De Bruyne and Romelu Lukaku bestrode the park like hyper-brained beasts, but behind them the lanky midfielder was crunching yet surprisingly nimble, destructive and creative, a match for both the wit of Neymar and the studs of Thiago Silva as appropriate. He climbed like Tenzing in both boxes, covered acres of ground but with a discipline, in terms of his positioning and tackling, that has not always been his hallmark. After the match, his ears received another battering, but this time only from the sheer weight of deserved and deafening praise. He and Martinez stride on, heads a little higher. Till ref do us part “Do you, Susan Emma Martindale, take John to be your lawful wedded husband?” “Give it! Give. It. He’s wide open.” “Er, ok. And do you John Harvey Carter, take Susan to be your lawful wedded wife?” “Pull it back, Raheem, for heaven’s sake!” “Right. Well, let’s have a hymn instead, shall we?” This wasn’t quite the scene in churches across Britain on Saturday, but it wasn’t far off after some installed big screens to allow wedding congregations to watch England’s quarter-final against Sweden. Televisions also went up at hotels and village halls across the nation so reception guests wouldn’t miss a kick. It must have been a tough decision for some brides and grooms, but was probably a sensible one given wedding speeches are hard to endure at the best of times, let alone when you’re being denied the chance to watch your nation compete for a World Cup semi-final. Woe betide any best man who did have to give a speech to a screenless room full of guests all secretly slightly bitter they’re having to listen to some half-baked university anecdotes rather than enjoy Kieran Trippier’s artisan crosses. Aside from weddings, the match also posed problems for England’s local cricketers, who nonetheless found a number of innovative ways to watch. Games started at six in the morning, tea intervals were stretched to two hours, more than one batsmen may well have played a slightly looser shot than normal at around five to three in the afternoon. The Durham league even postponed their entire fixture list on Saturday on the basis player availability had suddenly become remarkably limited. Poor old Wimbledon. It doesn’t stand a chance. We all stand together. But why? In other cricket-related news, it was MS Dhoni’s birthday on Saturday. They say you get calmer with age, but in Dhoni’s case it’s simply not possible unless you involve cryogenics. It’s interesting to think of phlegmatic characters like him when watching how players and managers cope with the mental strain of penalties. Few of Colombia’s takers can have been comforted by their coach José Pékerman having a nervous breakdown throughout the whole affair against England on Tuesday, a far cry from the phlegmatic dugout poise of Croatia’s Zlatko Dalić. Another interesting aspect in terms of psychology, admittedly cod, is how uniform teams are during the shoot-out, with the players always linking arms on the halfway line. One of Dhoni’s great skills as a man-manager was taking an individual approach to different players, unafraid to give the self-assured a rocket but prepared to act as a benevolent uncle to those with a more sensitive disposition. It is surely not the case that every penalty taker wants to be locked in this compulsory line of enforced camaraderie. Surely some would prefer to just be left on their own with their thoughts and their stretches rather than be held tight by their teammates as if they are facing down the All Blacks’ haka not taking a penalty under pressure. People make huge livings as sports psychologists. It seems, to this layman at least, odd that none of them has ever suggested this bizarrely one-size-fits-all approach to one of the most mentally complex tasks in sport might not be best for everyone. Red despair There must be a few thoughts that go through the head of a middle-aged man when they get a late-night call from Vladimir Putin: “Is Siberia still as chilly in this age of global warming?”; “Did that 22-year-old I met at the hotel bar really love me?; “Am I going to be the next US president?”. For Russia coach Stanislav Cherchesov, however, there were no such worries because when Putin phoned him after his side’s penalties defeat to Croatia, it was only to commiserate and compliment. And rightly so, as Cherchesov took what was called by some the “worst ever Russian team” and against all odds led them to the quarter-finals. With his demeanour of a harsh but ultimately well-loved swimming coach from the communist 1970s, the mustachioed trainer won a host of new fans with his dignified but emotive fists-in-the-air celebrations and wry press conference observations. Speaking of his side’s exit from the tournament, Cherchesov said, “It’s like to be ‘demobilised’ a little bit earlier when you wanted to stay in the army for some time longer. It would have been better if we could have stayed until the 15 July.” For many Russians, allowed by Putin to gather freely in public to watch their side during the tournament, another eight days of these enhanced rights would have been quite nice too. Click here for full coverage of FIFA World Cup 2018 Click here to view the full schedule of FIFA World Cup 2018