Mudgal, Lord's, James Anderson: The secret 2014 diary of MS Dhoni

It has been a tough year for MS Dhoni. There have been some highs - the Test win at Lord’s - but the lows have been lower, from the series loss to England to his name cropping up in the Mudgal Report on IPL corruption. Dhoni, famously, says nothing about anything but Firspost managed to get exclusive access to his diary. Here is a selection of his entries for 2014.

11 February, 2014

The Mudgal Report is out. Apparently Gurunath Meiyappan was the owner or at least a team official of CSK. I did not know that. I always thought he was CSK’s biggest fan. I mean he was always there with the team, travelling with us, sitting in the dug-out during matches. He would even call me and Flem before matches to talk about team selection. He was our No. 1 cheerleader. I hope he can return to the team soon.

18th February, 2014

We lost the series to New Zealand but the process is working. We drew the second Test after losing the first. I told the boys to remember that the process is always more important than the result.

Have to mention some people think we should have won the second Test after taking a 244-run first-innings lead but I don’t agree. Have they met India’s bowlers?

30 March, 2014

Who is Harish Salve and why is he telling the Supreme Court the BCCI should investigate me? I should sue him too like I did Zee. People can’t be allowed to say anything they want about me and get away with it.

1 June, 2014

Lost to Kings XI Punjab in the second IPL qualifier. Still in shock that CSK is not in the final. Must discuss what went wrong with Srini. Must remember I can’t talk to Guru anymore.

21 June, 2014

Got asked about the challenge of playing my first five-Test series at a press conference before the tour of England. Told the reporter I should be careful about the over-rate so I don’t get banned (hehehe).

10 July, 2014

#@#@#&$& James Anderson!!

17 July, 2014

WE WON! AT LORD’S!

ISHANT SHARMA ZINDABAD!

If I was Ganguly, I would have taken off my shirt and whirled it over my head. But I am not Ganguly. I am Mahi.

Now I just have to figure out what to do with Stuart Binny.

1 August, 2014

How do people expect me to try and win a Test when Pankaj Singh bowls 47 overs and does not take a wicket? Okay, fine. We dropped some catches in the slips. But good bowlers keep creating chances.

I hope Ishant gets fit fast.

10 August, 2014

We lost again. In three days. People seem to be upset about this but it is still just one game in the loss column. We don’t lose two matches by not lasting five days. We gain two extra rest days.

Besides, the process is the most important thing. And we are processing well.

Also, #$#$$@#$ James Anderson!

17 August, 2014

Well, this sucks. I am even getting calls from Srini. I made Raina take them. Told him to pretend he is my nephew.

Worse still, I might have to put up with Ravi Shastri for the ODI series. Yes, he wants to win and wears his pride for India on his sleeve and yada, yada, yada. He shouts too much. Almost makes me want to quit. Almost.

25 August, 2014

Told the press Duncan Fletcher is our coach for the World Cup. I am still THE BOSS!

8 September, 2014

Quiz time.

1. Who is the better wicket-keeper batsman?

a) MS Dhoni

b) Ambati Rayudu?

2. Who is the better finisher?

a) MS Dhoni

b) Ambati Rayudu

3. Who is THE BOSS?

a) MS Dhoni

b) Ambati Rayudu

Everyone journalist should take this quiz.

5 October, 2014

CSK won the CLT20. Order has been restored to the universe. Glad I had that talk with Srini.

18 October, 2014

Sri Lanka? Really BCCI? Sri Lanka was the only team you could get to replace the West Indies? I thought guys run world cricket now. Couldn’t you have moved some other series around and got us South Africa or Australia instead?

I think I’ll skip the series. Even going shopping with the wife is more fun than playing Sri Lanka.

1 December 2014

Mudgal report this, Mudgal report that. I’ve had enough of the Mudgal report. I just want Srini back. Talking to Shivlal Yadav just isn’t the same.

In case, you haven’t got it, this is all fun and games and to be taken in the right spirit.