Battling Piers Morgan: India could get another silver medal, if Twitter outrage was an Olympic sport

Piers Morgan should be representing India at the Olympics, either in archery or shooting.

His recent achievement shows that Morgan specialises in the art of what we Indians dream of – The dexterity to shoot down several egos with one arrow.

Battling Piers Morgan: India could get another silver medal, if Twitter outrage was an Olympic sport

File photo of Piers Morgan. Getty Images

One tweet from him on India's Olympic performance and phut, phut, phut. You could hear the sound of inflated egos bursting all around, like brains going off in the climax of Kingsman: The Secret Service.

Ah! What a bonfire of vanity he lit up. To rephrase Edna St Vincent Milley:

"My ego burns at both ends,
It will not last the fight;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends—
It gives a lovely night!''

Chatan Chetan Bhagat, for instance, who in his tearing hurry to defend India, got knocked down not once but twice, not realising on both occasions what had hit him.

"We honor achievers 'Peirs'. Top 3 in the world, despite 3rd world sports facilities isn't loser. It is freaking amazing!" he tweeted.

"Noted, 'Chatan'," Morgan replied.

"It is Chetan," the author replied, neither getting the humour, nor discovering the chink in his grammar.

As someone rightly pointed out, 'Champ Chatan' would have been better off throwing some of his books at Morgan. That would have shut him up!

So it went, a Morgan Tweet for every Twit who got hurt by a simple fact – India had indeed won just two medals at the Rio Olympics 2016. And it was indeed embarrassing to watch the country celebrate as if someone from Talkatora had beaten Michael Phelps by a mile. But how dare someone show us the mirror? Of course we will start spitting at the image, hurl stones and throw darts at the mirror. Phat, phat, phat!

Never mind the fact that two medals from 119 Indian participants compared abysmally with Great Britain's 67 for 366 athletes. Forget the humiliation of seeing the performance go downhill since London 2012. Ignore the fact that even these two medals came because of a handful of individuals, not the combined effort of a country of 1.3 billion that spends just $0.05 on sports per athlete, (as opposed to the $0.30 by the US), a country that has a shrine in every colony but not even a decent playground for several kilometres.

Rejoice, because, as Virender Sehwag in a Deewar-inspired moment used 'mere pass cricket hai' while taking on Morgan.

Britain is the only country to have won at least one gold medal in every Summer Olympics. It has won World Cups in football, cricket (T20) and several other sports. In Rio, Great Britain won gold medals in cycling, rowing, athletics, gymnastics, equestrian, sailing, swimming, triathlon, boxing, taekwondo, canoeing, hockey, golf, diving and tennis. (Recall one Indian name each from each of these sports, warriors?)

But, like Sehwag, we can always shut the Brits down by arguing that England is yet to win a 50-over cricket World Cup.

In 2007, when rotten tomatoes, eggs and bricks were hurled at the Indian team after their embarrassing exit in the 2007 World Cup, I am sure Sehwag would have mocked Australia by asking if they had ever won a medal in Kabaddi.

Frankly, we must ignore Morgan's advice to start preparing for the 2020 Games, looking at role models like Sachin Tendulkar, and not delude ourselves that winning two medals entitles us to rest on the oars. Instead, maybe we should pray for tweeting to be included in the next edition of Olympics. Maybe then we can get another silver medal, as the Indian Twitter's battle with Morgan has shown.

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Updated Date: Aug 25, 2016 16:19:05 IST

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