'Do not begin your marriage with a rape': Timeless gems from the always illuminating Mahinder Watsa

Editor’s note: Sex — it’s the one thing that can set us off into a tizzy in India. And no one knows this more intimately than Mumbai’s favourite sexpert, Dr Mahinder Watsa. From adolescent sex to sex drive after 40, from foreplay gone wrong to excessive masturbation, from pre-marriage relationships to homosexuality, to conception and pregnancy, 91-year-old Watsa has an answer for anything and everything that come his way. Here are a few of his choicest replies, from his book It’s Normal. 

1. A few days ago, while peeing in the men’s room, I happened to see a friend’s penis. It was bent at a 60 degree angle. Is this normal?
2.   Were you face-to-face when measuring the angle? I suggest you worry about your own angle and stop peeping.
3. My wife and I have both been diagnosed HIV-positive, but thankfully it has not affected our marital or sexual life negatively. Do I still need to use a condom?
4. T ere is no reason why your happy sexual life will not continue for a long time; you both are obviously taking all the necessary measures to remain healthy. It is advisable to continue using a condom—even for oral sex. Th e reason is that the viral load should not increase in either partner.
5.  I saw a bull with three testicles. I wonder if a man can be born with three testicles. If yes, what can be the consequences?
6.  Ask God to make you that bull in your next life so that you can experience what it feels like. Even if you have three testicles as a human being, I doubt if you can hide the third one in your jeans.[big-image title=“Book Excerpt: Mahinder Watsa” src=“https://images.firstpost.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/Book-Excerpt-Mahinder-Watsa1.jpg" ]
7. Can you please give us tips on First Night?
8. Do not begin your marriage with a rape. Marriages can largely be made or marred during the honeymoon. A great majority of wives look upon the honeymoon and particularly the wedding night as the greatest occasion of their lives. Whatever impressions are made then stay right through life. That is why it is hopelessly wrong for the husband to regard the wedding night solely, or even primarily, as an occasion for his own sexual gratification. If he regards it thus, not only will his own pleasure be marred, but he will also wound his wife emotionally and their married life may be adversely affected.
9.   What part of a woman’s body should i kiss or caress first to get her excited?
10.  Next you will ask me to accompany you on a date. Kiss wherever she allows you to.
11. I wiped my girlfriend’s vagina with the same cloth I used to wipe myself. Could she get pregnant?
12. It’s not likely that she will get pregnant. However, I suggest you buy some hand towels.
13.  I am a 22 year old man. I am getting married next week. Is there a specific sexual position i should try if i want to plan for twins?
14.  Even if you and your partner decide to stand on your heads, you cannot decide that you’ll have twins. Be satisfi ed, one is enough trouble for parents anyway.
15.  I am a 28 year old man. My friend told me that if someone masturbates a lot, their sperms get progressively less active, making the man less fertile. Is this true?
16. Tell this quack to do his homework.
17.  My penis is crooked presumably because I have masturbated so much. I will never marry.
18.  Your worries are entirely unfounded. All men’s penises are somewhat crooked. It has absolutely nothing to do with masturbating. The fact that a boy or man masturbates is completely normal. To be sure all is well, please see an urologist.
19. I feel a strong urge to have sex with a hot woman. But I don’t have a girlfriend and I don’t like to masturbate. What should I do?
20. Cool down and masturbate your fantasies away. That is the only outlet you have. If you don’t like it, you must figure out how to find a girlfriend.
21.  I am the world record holder for masturbation (11 times) in a single day. When I was reading your columns, some other person has broken my record i.e. (12 times). God is not sending me a girl I can have a very nice time with. I see sexy girls whenever I go by train or bus, but why is he not giving one to me? After all, I was not born in a family where everyone is either from television or a film star. What should I do?
22.  You certainly have your brains in your penis. Apply to the porn industry and retire in three years as your penis will refuse to co-operate with your body soon.
23. I am 30 year old man very active with my gf but also get attracted towards men sometimes or many times and also get attracted towards females also, it means I am bisexual and if it is like that, is it ok? Please advice I am confused.
24. Many men who are gay are bisexual. You will have to make up your mind in which direction your interests lie. If you marry, be sure you do not hurt your partner.
25. I am a twenty-eight-year-old man. Whenever I see a scantily clad woman, I cannot control myself. I am a virgin. Whenever I see or speak to a woman, I imagine her in the nude and feel like having sex with her. This happens even when I am praying; I masturbate regularly while having a bath. I am desperate to have sex. Will it be safe to visit a sex worker? I think of sex even when I get a phone call from a woman. Please help me get out of this.
26. At twenty-eight you should have matured enough not to think of women as sex objects. Why not change your attitude? Use your willpower and think of them as friends, sisters and equal partners. Women are sensitive and can understand whether a man has lust on his mind or simply wants to be friends. Intercourse with a sex worker or with a woman you do not trust is unsafe. You can masturbate but learn to control masturbation. It will have an effect on you being a good husband. If you feel you need help, then see a psychiatrist.
27. I am a twenty-two-year-old unmarried man. Opposite my building, an attractive woman in her early thirties has rented an apartment. She changes her clothes with the window open. Initially, I thought she was being absent-minded, and I enjoyed the view. However, a few days ago, she came to the window naked, looked at me and smiled. This has been going on for a few days. All this while, I masturbated and controlled myself, but now I am unable to get over it as she is quite hot.
28.  You must be having binoculars for eyes to see her smile from that distance and guess her age. Do some detective work and bump into her when she is off to work. However, be warned against unsafe sex with an unknown partner. Also, beware of being conned or blackmailed.

Excerpted with permission from It’s Normal_, Dr Mahinder Watsa, Penguin Books India_ [big-image title=“Book Excerpt: Mahinder Watsa” src=“https://images.firstpost.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/Book-Excerpt-Mahinder-Watsa-1.jpg" ]