You want Didi, Anna? Careful. You might just get her

Dear Anna-ji, be careful what you wish for. You might just get it. This morning Anna Hazare decided to try and co-opt Mamata Banerjee, the stormy petrel of Indian politics, into his Lokpal campaign.

“Why is Mamataji silent on this issue?” tweeted his lieutenant Arvind Kejriwal. “She should speak up the way she spoke on FDI.” Careful, Mr. Kejriwal. This is no gungi gudiya you are talking about. Mamata Banerjee might be more than Team Anna can handle.

Anna said his behen needed to put in a “good word” for the Lokpal just as she had forced the government to backtrack on its reforms in retail.

But alas, Anna Hazare does not realize that most people who have taken on Mamata as their ally have lived to rue the day. Or rather anyone who has tried to use Mamata for their own gain has found eventually she gets to turn the tables on them. Sometimes literally .

Her “good word” can be quite a mixed blessing.  This, after all, is the woman the New York Times  called “the eye of an Indian hurricane.” Only a brave man or a foolish one would want to invite a hurricane onto his stage.

Anna should just talk to the Congress, Didi’s putative partner in the West Bengal government. Once upon a time, the Congress was the powerhorse in the state, Mamata was just one of its feisty legislators. Now Congress is just a sideshow to Maa Maati Manush. Mamata didn’t even consult the local Congress leaders when she announced her party’s nominees for the elections this year.

After a few meek protests the Congress just swallowed that insult. Now after the election euphoria, Mamata has not hesitated to show who is boss. “The Congress leaders are abusing us everyday. What do they think? We don’t need to depend on them to run the government," she thundered after the Youth Congress took out a rally to protest alleged attacks on its workers by Trinamool activists.

In the latest muscle flexing – Mamata wants to shift a proposed AIIMS style hospital from north Bengal’s Raigunj (the constituency of Congress leader Deepa Das Munshi, wife of the ailing Congress veteran Priyaranjan Das Munshi) to Kalyani near Kolkata. North Bengal is one of the last strongholds for the Congress in the state and the party is desperate to hold onto it.

Some would say at least her opponents can oppose her and call her names. Her allies, on the other hand, almost have it worse. They just have to shut up and put up. In her cabinet, the highest-ranking Congress minister is in charge of irrigation. Mamata holds the portfolios for Home, Health and Family Welfare, Land and Land Reform, Information and Cultural Affairs, Minority Affairs and Madrasa Education, Power and Home (Personnel and Administrative Reforms).

The UPA government realised long before the FDI fight that Mamata is not the most disciplined of coalition partners. She won’t hesitate to lash out on petrol price hikes. And if push comes to shove, she has no compunction about being a no-show and embarrassing the government as she did when she felt snubbed about the water sharing talks with Bangladesh. She is happy to make U-turns, swapping the NDA for the UPA, resigning at will, because ultimately she knows the only person who has her back is Mamata. And if words don’t do the trick, she has no problems grabbing someone she doesn’t agree with by the collar or throwing her shawl at him.

Her erratic ways led the Hindu to editorialise way back in 2005 “Will Mamata become a new Bengali synonym for frustration born of own-goal-scoring?” Of course, the newspaper had to eat its words in 2011. Mamata can actually teach Anna Hazare a thing or two about the best and most effective way to throw a good tantrum. But the man does not need more tantrums on his hands. He already has his hands full with his tweeting satraps, who all seem to be marching to the beat of their own drummers. Adding Mamata Banerjee to the mix sounds like a recipe for utter disaster.

Obviously Anna didn’t watch Mamata at an exhibition debate early this year in Kolkata. The topic was “India will be better run if politicians are left out of the government.” Mamata had insisted on being the last speaker writes journalist Ruchir Joshi in his book Poriborton because MamBan wanted to make sure “no Good-English-command-suit-boot got in the last word on her”. She smacked down Suhel Seth and Swapan Dasgupta who had the temerity to argue for the motion. “These Shadow Politicians!” she shrieked. “They are trying to control the government from the backside!”

Hmmm, still want Didi on your side, Anna-ji?

Anyway Mamata Banerjee is her own star. She has no real interest in being part of someone else’s galaxy.“Mamata doesn’t need lessons from Anna Hazare,” her party’s Sultan Ahmed scoffed . “Everyone knows she’s a crusader.” She has her no-nonsense no makeup, white sari, muri-eating image. She already has as the Times put it  “tenacity and almost Gandhian simplicity.” She doesn’t need any Anna makeover.

She  already indicated back in October that a Lokpal alone “was not a panacea for corruption.” She also has her own Mamata-style anti-corruption platform whether throwing the directors of the AMRI hospital in jail or warning her party leaders that they will be expelled if she finds any of them involved in syndicates with land developers, forcing people to buy building materials from them.

But that’s on her terms. Anna might try to sweet talk her by calling her his behen. But Mamata is didi. When she joins a cause she gets to be big sister. Anna Hazare had better be sure he’s ready for one.