Tum kahaan? The definitive playlist for Sonia, Modi, Twitter to bring 'missing' Rahul back

Rahul Gandhi is a bad habit India zealously nurtures but balks at admitting. You know, like Honey Singh, littering, jumping queues and Indian Idol. No wonder then, many many Indians feel slightly forlorn when there’s a conversation and there’s no way to put Rahul Gandhi in it. Or when they log on to Twitter and there’s no RaGa meme to be shared.

While the rest of the country was busy typing ‘Rahul Gandhi funny’ on YouTube’s search bar, some folks in Amethi came up with a better idea. They decided to put out posters asking where Rahul Gandhi was and did it with style. They dedicated a song to him, hoping a song request will get them back in their lives.

“Jane woh kaun sa desh jahan tum chale gaye, na chitthi na sandesh, kahan tum chale gaye?” one of the notes says , quoting from a famous sob song from the film Dushman.

The Congress has pointed an accusing finger at the BJP, but one can’t help feel sorry for the party. After all, all sorts of people seemed to have spotted Gandhi at various parts of the world - actually the rumours about Gandhi’s whereabouts seem to have outnumbered stories about Salman Khan’s girlfriends.

In fact, The Telegraph says that an insider in the Delhi political circles has suggested that he maybe in Uruguay. But the article also notes, “Thailand, Myanmar, Laos, Greece and half-a-dozen European destinations have in the past three weeks been named as possible hideouts being used by Rahul.”

However, since the hunt seems to be proving futile, we have to place our bets on the Amethi formula of hunting for Gandhi. Maybe, a song dedication will help bring Gandhi back.

So here’s a list of songs that can be dedicated to Gandhi and hope he is back in our lives.

1. While in the peak of his active political life, “Maine piy nahin hain’, should have been his preferred line to defend the mindboggling things he said, there’s one song that sums up Congress and BJP’s mood while he remains missing in action - ‘Yahan, wahaan, dhuan dhuan, Chhupa kahaan, gupt hai woh’.

While most other mortals would generally come back from the dead to protest being compared to Bobby Deol, the actor, Rahul as we know has great patience. However, there’s another line in the song that the reluctant prince may find tempting: “Yeh jan le agar, Pehchan le nazar, Sabhee bandhano se tu ho jayega mukt.” Is a certain Mrs Gandhi listening?

2. Guess who maybe missing Gandhi the most? The word ‘system’. Gandhi’s love for ‘system’ is almost as stirring as Narendra Modi’s infatuation with his own name. The word hasn’t been thrown around in the public discourses much after Congress’ drubbing in the Lok Sabha polls. In fact, nobody even mentions it, now that Gandhi has gone off for a mysterious jaunt.

Maybe someone should remind him how much ‘system’ needs him.  And how glad ‘system’ would be to have him back in the real world. Here’s a song that Gandhi’s fans can dedicate him on behalf of ‘system’ : “Aoge jab tum o sajna, Angna phool khilenge’.

3. Now, Rahul Gandhi is not missed anywhere as much as he is missed on Twitter. With no Gandhi is the horizon, Twitter is left with a sad replacement in Digvijaya Singh to troll. Rahul Gandhi is the fire in the average Indian tweeter’s belly, he is to Twitter what Madhuri Dixit was to MF Hussain and Chetan Bhagat is to boys who will never be full boyfriends. And guess what Rahul’s Twitter lovers are singing: “All day, all night, mujhe yaad sataye teri.”

4. Narendra Modi. Singing, “Jaane jaan, dhoondta phir raha, Hoon tujhe raat din, Main yahaan, se wahaan”. You have to either be the Mountain or a patthar ke phool to NOT come back running.

While such suspicion has  often been raised about his brain, to test if Gandhi’s dil is indeed Hindustani, our dear Prime Minister only has to sound out his favourite person on earth to have him back.

Gandhi, we’re sure, won’t dare disturb the universe.