Rahul to Chelsea: An expert's guide to doing dynasty

Dear Chelsea Clinton, I am so happy to hear that you are thinking of entering politics. I refer, of course, to your recent interview in Vogue where you say  that you are not as opposed to running for elected office as you once were. “Before my mom’s campaign I would have said no,” you said. “And now I don’t know.” As we both know, dynasty is good for democracy despite all the negative nattering from cynics and non-believers.  Just like me, you are doing your bit. Your mother’s chief of staff Huma Abedin understands it perfectly. I have read and re-read her heart-warming quote in the same article many times already.

(Chelsea) now knows that in 20, 30 years, everything about her father’s legacy is in her hands. It’s going to be Chelsea’s responsibility to carry that torch.

Here I am carrying and carrying that torch for papa and dadima for years and no one gives me any respect. [caption id=“attachment_443135” align=“alignleft” width=“380”] AFP.[/caption] I have to admit I am a little envious. Even our paid journalists will not turn out something as glowing as that Vogue profile. Talk about a launching pad for Candidate Clinton. How it gushes about how you give “engrossing” lectures without referring to your notes, how stylish you are, how you ride the New York subway like ordinary folk. I try to have dinner with ordinary Dalits and they mock me endlessly for it. Vogue calls you a “representative of her generation.” Over here they call me “ Prince un-charming ”  and those are the kinder ones. You get praise for your “very tight, short presidential-blue Stella McCartney dress and nude Michael Kors platform pumps.” I don’t dare wear anything other than a kurta pajama because every time I wear a pair of jeans they analyse it threadbare . And then that lovely lovely humanising touch about how you try to wear something of your late grandmother every day. “Because I miss her every day. Every single day.” It brought a little tear to my eye because, of course, you know the only time I am compared to my grandmother is to show my lack of balls, please excuse my frank language. But you know Chelsea, I fully understand where you are coming from. Like when you said  about your grandma. “She thought that I should be doing more with my life. She felt like we have a responsibility gene in our family.” You took the words out of my mouth. It’s all about that  “responsibility gene.” Otherwise why do you think I’d be tramping around villages in Uttar Pradesh? Only we who are to the manor born understand the burden of “responsibility.” Because look, don’t take this the wrong way but it’s not like you have actually done anything much yet, other than a job at some hedge fund and a degree from Oxford and now some reporter thing at NBC news. I, on the other hand, have been building and rebuilding our party and I am still ridiculed as someone who does nothing. Isn’t it a little unfair? I am damned if I don’t talk in parliament, and damned if I do open my mouth. I am badgered for yes or no responses about whether or not I am going to join the cabinet. You get away with saying something as vague as “So if there were to be a point where it was something I felt called to do and I didn’t think there was someone who was sufficiently committed to building a healthier, more just, more equitable, more productive world, then that would be a question I would have to ask and answer.” But having said all that, I would still rather  do dynasty politics here. Despite the famous Clinton machine, you Americans have not figured out how to have one family have a stranglehold on the entire party for generations. We have perfected it here. I remember how shocked I was your Caroline Kennedy could not even manage to get her party’s nomination to the Senate. Imagine that. John F. Kennedy’s only daughter being denied her rightful place. Now that would be unthinkable here. My sister Priyanka was just stunned. It’s like the Congress might say no thanks if she decided she was going to run for election. Just the other day Dimple Yadav, the wife of the new chief minister of Uttar Pradesh, who is the son of the old chief minister, ran for parliament and nobody even opposed her. Now that wouldn’t happen in America, would it? I guess we are much luckier that way because we are so much more family-oriented, you know.  There is really much more job security here in dynasties. So if you do need a little crash course on how to do dynastic politics successfully, please come and visit us again. We can do a weeklong seminar for you. I can line up a lot of experts for you from across the political spectrum – Akhilesh Yadav, Omar Abdullah, Kanimozhi, Supriya Sule, Vasundhara Raje, Naveen Patnaik.  We have many to choose from. After all, two-thirds of our Members of Parliament under 40 come from political families. Of course, the Congress will take the lead in organizing this seminar because all 11 of our MPs under 35 are hereditary. Please do come and visit us. We will help you in whatever humble way we can. It’s only our duty - from the world’s largest democracy to the world’s greatest democracy. Your friend Rahul Gandhi.