Lament of the lal batti: Mamata's war on red

First they came for the railings. And I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a railing. Then they came for the plastic chairs. And I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a plastic chair. Then they came for the carpets and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a carpet. Then they came for me and there was no one left to speak for me. That is the Lament of the Lal Batti in Bengal with apologies to Martin Niemöller . [caption id=“attachment_1043539” align=“alignleft” width=“380”] West Bengal’s transport minister, proposed that his state do away with red beacons on official cars. And just replace them with green ones. Reuters[/caption] On 5 August the Supreme Court ruled that there was rampant abuse of the lal batti across the country – the red beacon of status that allows vehicles to act as roadside bully with utter impunity. A few days later Madan Mitra, West Bengal’s transport minister, proposed that his state do away with red beacons on official cars. And just replace them with green ones. Brilliant. The innate Bengali superiority complex about its intellect which has allowed the state’s citizens to ignore its economic doldrums and worse and produce feel-good videos like this one might have finally been delivered a mortal blow. It would be funny except such are the Unreal Times we live in, we are forced to report with a reasonably straight face, news stories that should only find place in FakingNews. For example, a state’s minister, an elected official, telling the media : Red is the colour of allergy. If you have a rash, your skin turns red. But green and blue are soothing colours. If you suffer from eye problems, doctors advice you to look towards the sky or towards any green-coloured object. I feel we should get rid of red even on beacons fitted over hoods of our cars. And then a journalist must go to the police department and get their reaction to it, obviously from a police official who must remain unnamed lest this act of courageous principled dissent results in a punishment posting to the boondocks, perhaps the deep dark red bastions of Jangalmahal. Police and motor vehicle department officials, however, told the Hindustan Times it would not be an easy task to change the colour code. According to rules, red is for VIPs and security personnel; while blue is for ambulances. Yellow and amber are internationally recognised aviation colours. Poriborton or change in Bengal is clearly an optical illusion, another name for green-washing. And it’s led to a predictable flurry of titters across the country and a chance to come up with pun-gent headlines about “Mamata seeing red”. Mitra, the red-slayer told The Indian Express :We will ensure there is no place for red in West Bengal. More than the CPM, this pronouncement should send shivers down to the foundations of Writers Building. One of the last prominent pieces of red standing — the brick red historic Corinthian façade of Writers could be counting its days. Given that Mamata Banerjee has ordered the evacuation of Writers for much needed renovations, who knows if the babus will return to a building that’s turned parrot green or Mother-Teresa-blue-and-white to match the city’s parks and bridges? However since the state has declared a war on red, perhaps as good citizens we should fall in line and draw up a list of all that’s left that’s red so the government can get cracking on delivering on its promise of change. The singer Hemanta Mukherjee, once famously sang about all things that are red — a helpful list for those trying to rid the state of red. Lojja raanga, sindoor raanga, aar raanga krishnachura, ranga je go saanjh aakaashey oi jey astaraag, kanya shobar cheyeo ranga tomaar aaltaar oi daag… (Shame is red, sindoor is red, and the gulmohar is red Red is the colour of the sunset in the evening sky But girl, even more red is the aaltaa dye on your feet.) Sadly, some of these reds are un-reddable. But just as Trinamool has popularized green gulal among its followers, it could encourage Bengali brides to line their feet with green aaltaa and wear white saris with green borders for Durga puja. Traffic lights will be a problem given that red and green co-exist on the same panel, a definite no-no in a state where a minister once exhorted party cadres to not even drink a cup of tea from the Communists. Postboxes can easily get a paintjob since hardly anyone uses them anyway. Red apples? There’s thankfully an alternative. The state could import green varieties like Golden Delicious and Granny Smiths and sell them at those subsidised shops alongside half-price onions. The red light district. Now that is a touchy one. Does the wholesome maa-maati-manush government want to get too close to “fallen” women? Perhaps that could remain the last bastion of red. However there is one red that might prove to be more stubborn than lal battis. Perhaps Didi and her cohort of colour crusaders could get cracking on ensuring that the state’s finances are no longer in the red. Now that’s one colour-change that could be a true beacon of change.