Go West young man — Bandra (West)

By Sharath Chandra

Form always follows function is a long-standing ethos that guides the design world. And today I believe that the digital world would do well to follow the ethos of Mumbai! This (silent) eureka moment occurred during a brainstorming a few weeks ago on “The Next Big Digital Thing”, nearly 5,000 miles and 3 years away from Mumbai.

You would think that enough has been written about Mumbai — its spirit, its people — and no cliché spared to describe its every nuance. But just as “every generation thinks it has discovered sex” and proceeds to postulate on its merits, so too does every bearded bloke who has lived in Mumbai morph into a pop-anthropologist when blogging and proceeds to propound a ‘priceless’ set of insights that deserves a wider recognition! Onward, then.

Every morning, well before 6 am, Venkat delivered milk at our home in Bandra. His unerring punctuality ensured my interaction with him was just once a month — payment time, during which he would accept the cash with a pleasant “Thank You” (only to be reciprocated with a smile or a nod depending on the excesses of the night before!). One occasion when I was short of cash, I suggested a cheque instead. He reluctantly nodded, and as he took the cheque, I could see him silently read out my surname “Govindaraju” which was printed on the leaf. Then to my utter surprise asked me in pure Telugu, “Sir, you are from Andhra ?! " and noticing my eyes widen and smile, alerted me to Ugadi occurring the following week, wished me in advance and enquired if we would want extra milk for the festival. Pleasantly surprised by his synaptic leaps, I chatted up with him. For the record Venkat moved to Mumbai from Ongole, armed with nothing more I suspect than a high-school certificate to pursue like so many others the dream of a better life, during the course of which he cheerfully delivered milk.

Having experienced every known version of Microsoft Outlook from ‘98 onwards (and the attendant zillion updates) I am sure that one day some perceptive techie from Microsoft will take a leaf from the humble Mumbai milkman and incorporate local Holidays in their Outlook Calendar (or likewise, the Google Calendar)! And save the hapless colleagues and associates in UK, US, Mumbai or Chennai the scramble to move a conference call, realizing after a flurry of emails, that it was scheduled on Maharashtra Day or Thanksgiving or Pongal or Bank Holiday !

Kaka (as I blithely decide to baptise him here, not having ever made the effort to know his name) is a newspaper vendor at the intersection of Perry Road/Andrews Road. His claim to fame, as far as I was concerned, was that he was the only one in all of Bandra West who stocked one or two copies of Eenadu, the Telugu daily. Every year, when my parents came to stay with us for a month or so, my dad would pick-up a copy on the morning walk. Kaka would see us approaching and would have the copy ready in his hand, and again a near wordless transaction save a cursory thanks. Months after my parents had left, on the odd occasion that I would go for a morning walk, Kaka would notice me approaching and in perfect broken English ask “Father ok? Diwali pe zaroor bula lena unko,” the paan-stained toothy grin betraying his simple motive.

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Over the years, my dad and I regularly receive, at the same address, the same hyper-personalised glossy brochures from the same bank/airline/hotel. And I’m pretty sure that one day some CRM analytics team managing these ’loyalty-enhancing mailers’ will stumble upon Kaka’s algorithm (!) and work out that the two persons with the same surname at the same address must be related, and send a simple but powerful sales pitch “Sharath, next month is your dad’s birthday, why don’t you surprise him with a…”. For a price, I am sure Kaka would be happy to share the IPR.

A few years ago, just as I got off the cab outside our apartment, I ran into someone with whom I had worked on a one-off project nearly six or seven years ago. The usual pleasantries exchanged, we stood at the gate and talked for a while before he continued on his way to his home down the road. Pankaj the local laundry service man (to refer to him as a dhobi would constitute gross injustice!) who had been in earshot sorting his delivery, walked me to the lift, and in a conspiratorial voice said, “That gentleman… bahut gussa karta hai..” referring clearly to my recently departed acquaintance, and then proceeded to tell me how he, Pankaj, was often at the receiving end for even a minor issue when delivering to my acquaintance. I worried later whether the last line to my acquaintance at the gate, “Sure, send your CV” prompted the omniscient Pankaj to give me this ’tip-off’!

And one of these days, the smart folks at LinkedIn will brainstorm and come up with a new feature — a way to get honest feedback, when evaluating a candidate, from his or her ex-colleagues (especially the disgruntled ex-colleagues!). A feature that would be worth many, many times the Premium Membership subscription that I have been so reluctant to pay (as yet). Pankaj, of course knows just what a killer app that could be!

As the brainstorming came to an end, there were a few subtle hints from some young ‘uns on the merits of them attending those uber-cool-leading-edge tech conferences in the Valley.

I found myself murmuring, “Go West Young Man, Bandra (West)”.

Sharath ‘Shirty’ Chandra is a Brands, Marketing and Corporate Strategy professional and is partial to Digital/Technology initiatives. Taking it on the chin in Media, Advertising and Entertainment over the last 24 years, surviving bubbles and meltdowns across London, Mumbai, New York and Hong Kong, makes sure no two days have been alike. And he hopes that it will remain so. The views expressed here are in his individual capacity.