With few avenues for support, people with disabilities navigate mental health toll of India's second COVID-19 wave

What is ‘normal’? In this fortnightly column, Srinidhi Raghavan explores the understanding of bodies-minds and navigating spaces as disabled, chronically ill and sick people. Read more from the series  here . This is the second in a two-part series documenting the impact of India’s second COVID-19 wave on people with disabilities. Read part 1 — ‘India’s second COVID-19 wave has made healthcare, ableist even pre-pandemic, harder for disabled people to access’ — here . *** Among the vulnerable groups affected in India’s second COVID-19 wave are disabled people, who have been  declared by WHO as a high risk group. Disabled people who shared their experiences of COVID-19 with us spoke of the impact of isolation, the revisiting of the existing stereotypes of disabled people being “weak”, “burdens”, “only receivers of care”. The experience of contracting COVID, navigating these resurfaced emotions have had their own impact on the well-being of disabled people in this country. The complete lack of psychological support was felt especially by the deaf community. Vishnu Soman, founder of the volunteer-driven initiative Smileys India, part of the group of volunteers providing support for disabled people, shared, “Psychological support in sign language, which is missing, is very much needed. The isolation and its impact on our mental health needs support especially by those who understand the specific ways in which disabled people are struggling.” This lacunae would need filling especially in the coming years. Both Abha Khetarpal, disability rights activist and wheelchair user, and Shivangi, a counselling psychologist who uses crutches, spoke about how the stereotypes and prejudice around disabled people being “burdens" resurfaced during their experiences with COVID-19. “On a rational level I know this is not true. But when you see your parents who are also infected struggling, being unable to help more is very hard,” said Shivangi. Abha felt similarly. She shared, “At this age, especially seeing my mother suffering, was very difficult for me. This was made worse because she had just lost her younger brother during those days and she was in shock. Seeing me infected also took a huge emotional toll on her. Together we had to speak and cry to find some solace.” For women with disabilities within abusive home situations, the problems were starkly different. Komal, a mental health advocate, who lives with chronic illnesses and psycho-social disability, currently in Mehsana, Gujarat, shared how isolating was near impossible within her home as she was expected to cook, clean and even look after her grandmother and teenage sister. “Managing the household, and ensuring they both did not contract the virus was an additional source of anxiety for me. This was a time of immense grief (after losing my grandfather) and stress; I was also struggling with a big, infected external cyst which had reduced my mobility. This made my blood sugar rise to a dangerous level, around 350-400.” She shared that her mental health condition was severely impacted by the circumstances in her house: “I was snappy, anxious and crying all day while also feeling like my life has no value. I was feeling neglected and abandoned by my mother who didn’t care for me when I needed it. My mother’s behaviour and not being allowed to isolate had ended up in me having suicidal ideation. Making matters worse was having to deal with harassment and ableism from my workplace.” The impact of being removed from our ways of caring for self, or being in company with our friends and those who we care about and who care for us, was a common sentiment shared by all. Anand, who is autistic, had previously lost his part-time job during the pandemic; he felt the hardest part was being confined to his home. “I would often go out by myself before the pandemic and sit on a park and be for an extended period of time. This really was a huge calming experience for me and helped me feel good. It helped me be better cope with everything happening around us. The isolation because of the illness followed by the lockdown in Mumbai have been very hard on me. Earlier the walks and standing by the sea shore were all pockets of oasis for me. This being stripped away in the pandemic left me struggling to manage my mental health.” Being affected with COVID and having to be admitted in the hospital, Karishma, a feminist activist with several autoimmune conditions and disabilities, shared, “My time in the hospital meant I saw many harrowing things. I heard the cries of people, those gasping for breath, having to choose which child would survive — all this was very traumatic. I think only after I recover a bit from my health can I even begin to process the things I witnessed.” Srinidhi Raghavan is a writer, researcher and trainer. She works at the intersections of sexuality, gender, disability and technology. She works on programme development with Rising Flame and is the Co-Founder of The Curio-city Collective.