Ustad Amjad Ali Khan and Subhalakshmi: A real love story

Editor’s note: No one knows a man better than the women in his life. Be it his mother, wife, daughter or friend, they offer a unique and intimate perspective on men with larger-than-life media personalities. In this new series titled ‘In Her Eyes’, we ask these women to offer their frank, unedited, and always affectionate view of the men they love dearly. Their responses are honest, revealing, and unexpectedly familiar.

He is India’s pride, a Sarod maestro, a music legend who represents the best of the great Indian musical heritage. She is best known as his wife and helpmate, but is an accomplished artiste herself, having studied Bharat Natyam under the direct tutelage of Rukmini Devi Arundale of Kalakshetra.

Subhalakhmi Khan speaks with rare candour about her relationship with Ustaad Amjad Ali Khan, the man who swept her off her reluctant feet. She tells the story of a lifelong relationship between a man and a woman that is unexpectedly intimate and real.

What was your first meeting with him like?

It was way back in 1974. I saw him the first time on stage performing for the Kala Sangam in Calcutta. [After that meeting>, we met at a common friend’s house, and we spoke at length on music. In interviews, he said that he knew then that I was the person for him… but for me, it was just admiration of a supreme artiste.

But something happened to get you two close…

My brother wanted Ustaad Sahab to sing at the two-day festival he organised every year. When I explained the event to him, he asked me, “Will you be there?” and I said, “of course, yes.” He asked again, “You will surely be there…” At the end of the conversation he asked again, “You will surely be there,” and I wondered what sort of man is this, asking me this again and again.

You got to know him better at this point, I presume?

He was very friendly and down to earth. But there was no great interaction between us apart from the normal.

Then?

On 11 Jan 1976, Khan Sahab called me. He said, ‘I’ve spoken to Bhai Sahab, and he is razi…’ Then he went on talking very slowly, beating about the bush. I thought as he went on explaining, ‘why does he not say things quickly, and explicitly. If he wants to say ‘I love you, why does he not get it over with?’ Of course, I had no reason to expect him to say I love you, I had no feeling in that direction for him. Then I thought, ‘He is a Mussalman, why does he want to marry me?’

So what was your response?

He proposed. And I said, ‘I need six months to think.’ I have always been my own person, but this time even I was confused. Through the six months he kept calling and saying, ‘Have you decided? Shall I come to marry you?’ And I kept putting him off. Sometime in August, I made up my mind; I said, ‘Yes, I will marry you.’

Was it difficult? You were from different religious backgrounds…

There were many against it. Those times were very difficult. And whatever one said publicly, in private – when it happens for real — it is not so easy to accept. I got angry letters from fans discouraging me. It only made me stronger. Who were they to go beyond admiring my work and getting into my personal life?

And it was then happily ever after?

Frankly, I knew nothing about him. When we moved to Delhi, he said, ‘I don’t know if you can live with my family. If you wish we can stay in a hotel.’ I told him, ‘My dharma is to be wherever you go, and so I will stay in your house.’

Was adjustment easy?

It was not easy, it was not pleasant. The adjustment to the changed social status, interactions with people, was all tough. But no sooner had I married him, I realised he is a very genuine person. He is simple of heart. He can leave me, can leave anything but not his music. I understood that.

I think the dedication, the respect for each other, for music, all this made us bond together.

It is still the same? The respect? The saying is: No man is a hero in his wife’s eyes…

Even today after 35 years, when he sits on stage, he is so pure, like a mirage. When I look at him, my heart overflows. All petty husband-wife angers are forgotten.

But what about your own career? You were an accomplished dancer, too, one of Rukmini Devi’s favourites.

I was, yes. But what am I compared to Khan Sahab, but a drop in the ocean. My dance was a hobby of professional status. When we got married, I thought: here I am a dancer and he is a musician; our life will be in perfect tune. But marrying a tuneful person, my life is out of tune where my dance is concerned. I don’t grudge it. He is worth it.

How is it living with a legend?

We make mistakes, we correct them. It is like any relationship.  Temperamentally, we are opposites. Sometimes I need to go away from him. He knows I am upset about something and need time to myself. As a human being, he is a man of few words, whereas I am an empty vessel: I make much sound. I am strong in words, he is mild. Often, I get angry because he does not react.

And Khan Sahab? What is his relationship with his sons?

It was my job to ensure discipline for the children: rest, play, study, prayer, riaz – the routine had to be set and followed. I would make them listen to music 24 hours of the day. But Khan Sahib was the guru.

He would teach them whenever we travelled together. He would sing pa pa re ma, then add words to it, put a story in song and add the notes. Whether they were in the metro, aircraft, or wherever— the talim would continue. It was a relationship that revolved around music, still does.

And so the relationship between father and sons… is it formal?

Not really. Khan Sahab says, ‘I could never be affectionate with my father, I could not jump on to his lap.’ But his sons are free with him. They have jokes, man-to-man talks, which of course end when I enter –‘Maa has come in,’ – and the subject is changed.