Mother knows best: Neetu speaks out on Ranbir Kapoor

Editor’s Note: No one knows a man better than the women in his life. Be it his mother, wife, daughter or friend, they offer a unique and intimate perspective on men with larger-than-life media personalities. In this new series titled ‘In Her Eyes,’ we ask these women to offer their frank, unedited, and always affectionate view of the men they love dearly. Their responses are honest, revealing, and unexpectedly familiar. She started as a child star, who despite her oily plaits and super sweet dialogues in Do Kaliyan grew up into the scrumptious Neetu Singh. Her onscreen romance with Rishi Kapoor turned real, and she became Neetu Kapoor. Today, she is better known as Ranbir Kapoor’s mom, svelte and with it at 53, and still very much the star in her son’s life. He is Bollywood’s most wanted leading man among the young set. Ranbir Kapoor has inherited acting genes from both his parents, but it is Neetu who has shaped the person he is. Riding on the plaudits her Rockstar son has garnered since the film’s release, Neetu Kapoor shares an intimate mom’s eye view of a star on the ascendant Is a son more precious than a daughter? The first time I held Ranbir in my arms, my thought was, he’s my baby, my child, my world. It was the same with Ridhima, my first born. I loved them both. He would often ask, “Do you love Ridhima more than me, or who do you love more?” My answer always was, “I love Ridhima two years more than you.” Did he give you anxious moments as a child? After all a Kapoor and a star child! He was a quiet boy, but full of mischief. A complete mastikhor. He would irritate me, irritate Ridhima. Go on and on, especially with her. There were times when we would go out for dinner and he would get at her so badly, that she would get up and leave. And as a student? Was that stage good? Nah! Every year, without fail, through school and college, I would be called to meet his teachers. The complaints were always the same: he does not concentrate. He would leave class on some pretext and not go back, then the teacher would find him playing with a cat! It was terrible. And I had to protect him too from his dad and his temper. Did you never lose your temper? Did he ever push you to the brink? I am basically calm by nature. I don’t lose my cool easily, maybe once in two years. But he would really try me and my patience. If he had a toy, he would break it to see how it worked, so there was always that issue of not having a real toy to play with. We went to New York, there he set off the fire alarm to see what happens… and we had to cope with cops and all the fuss. [caption id=“attachment_133183” align=“alignleft” width=“380” caption=“If Rockstar is a success, he does not sing and celebrate in a huge manner. AFP.”]  [/caption] Once he even pushed the maid into the pool knowing she could not swim. He wanted to see how she would manage. She nearly drowned! At such times, I would lock him in his room. There was nothing else I could do. It often worked. So you had to find your own way of disciplining him… Yes. Luckily my word held a lot of weight for him. My word was the last word, he would not cross it. If I said NO, he would not argue, he would just listen to me. Like when he was too much into going out with friends, one day I said, “Why don’t you pack your bag, and take your clothes and just live there? There is no point in your coming and treating this place like a hotel, we hardly see you anyway….” He heard me out, then quietly went up to his room, and came down a bit later. He had changed into his night clothes and sat down and watched tv with me and we had dinner. I asked him, “what happened, aren’t you going out,” and he replied, “but you said…” That was all. There were other instances. Like he would often want to hit Ridhima. One day I took his hand and said, “If you even lift a little finger against your sister…” And he never ever tried to hurt her again. Continues on the next page So, did he ever stop being a kid who bugged you? I was very troubled in my married life. I think he must have been 15 or so, when Rishi and I went through a really bad patch. I have always felt that while my daughter should be innocent and learn to face life as it comes, my son should be street smart and know everything about life. So I would sit with Ranbir and talk to him. For hours, I would tell him all I felt was right and wrong with my marriage, try to explain it all to him. I think he was my best friend then, my only confidant. I would talk my heart out to him, as to no one else. He changed then I think, suddenly became responsible, grown up. I felt he should know everything, for one, it would make him a good husband when the time came. Did this sudden understanding of the complexities of relationship affect him? Did you damage his innocence in any way? I think it made him saintly. I see it in his attitude to his career. If Rockstar is a success, he does not sing and celebrate in a huge manner. If a film fails and gets bad reviews, he does not hit the bottle like other stars do. There is this sense of detachment, of moving on. He just goes to the next one…the next film, the next assignment, the next role. I am a bit like that, I don’t let anything come in the way, even with human beings. If a person is not worth it, I shut them out. I think he has that from me. [caption id=“attachment_133188” align=“alignright” width=“250” caption=“He changed then I think, suddenly became responsible, grown up. Reuters.”]  [/caption] Is there something about his nature you would change? As a mother, yes. He is too soft. He can’t hurt anybody. It’s the same with his relationships, he does not know how to say no, and gets into the deep end! I see it happening and can do nothing about it. The first time he felt involved, I knew the girl was not right for him. (how typically mother is that!). But when I told him, he rebelled. So I learnt to tackle it another way. I told him don’t get serious so soon, the more you see the more you know and learn, so meet many girls, and go out with them , but don’t commit yet. But I have learnt to not be an irritant. I say it once and move away. It works. As a mother, how do you react to his being termed a ladies’ man; all his involvements? I think he is charming, but he is very shy. I don’t see him approaching a girl. It’s they who make the first move, and he is too soft to say no, and gets involved. But he does confide in me, sometimes asks my advice. And I speak to him like a friend, and even try to get him out of an involvement if that is the best option. What kind of girl would you want to be his wife? Someone who will understand how simple he is. That he is a daal chawal sort of boy, that he not very high maintenance and will not really appreciate having a high maintenance wife. He’s more like me, quite un-Kapoor, unlike the image he has. The best girl for him will be someone who loves him for who he is, not what he is. But I know he is not serious about anyone right now. He can’t keep that from me. It would all come tumbling out when it happens.