India's secret weapon or Obama's 'beast': What WAS that giant crab on the Goa float?

The giant crab from Goa was undoubtedly the coolest thing to happen to the Republic Day parade. Inspiring hunger pangs as well as primal fear, that crab glared balefully at the one lakh people gathered to watch the event, and stared down PM Modi, Barack Obama and his wife Michelle. Let not the cheery Goan music fool you. That crab meant business.  But what did it signify?  Here are our top theories: A veiled threat to India’s enemies?

Seriously folks. Who in the world is going to attack India when we have that creature in our arsenal? Imagine the panicked faces of enemy soldiers everywhere and the scramble for cover when ‘Captain crab’ approaches? With a shell like that, it’s probably missile and nuclear bomb resistant. We see your teenage mutant ninja turtles and we raise you a giant crab

Ninja turtles are so passe. Who needs a hero in a half-shell when you can have a hero in a full-shell? And who needs human weapons when you have pincers? Indian crabs slam American mutant turtles every time. Hah. Meet this desi super hero. And it comes with Goan music as a background score. A spy from another planet?

If that’s the case, we all need to be afraid. Very afraid. The thought of sentient war crabs is not exactly going to let you sleep well at night. A creature sent to defend POTUS? 

The Secret Service was panicky about the flypast at the parade and were unhappy  with a lot of the security arrangements for POTUS. So was this their way of protecting the first citizen of the United States? The people running alongside could well have been US security agents. When they said they were bringing Obama’s ‘beast’, maybe this is what they meant. Dinner.

Yum.