First Sachin, now the aloo in biryani. The world is ending.

I just saw a policeman guarding sacks of potatoes at our local market in Kolkata. The humble aloo has skyrocketed in price and all but disappeared from the bazaars. Mamata Banerjee has gone on a war footing. And potatoes at Rs.13 a kilo are being sent to markets under police guard. “Some get Sachin duty. I get potato duty,” the rather disgruntled cop muttered to a bystander. These are truly the best of times and worst of times for Kolkata. Sachin Tendulkar is playing his 199th test at Eden Gardens. Meanwhile the city’s fabled biryani is losing its signature potato reports The Telegraph . “We might have to drop the aloo and replace it with an egg,” warns Nadim Amin, the director of the legendary Aminia restaurant. Onions were a crisis. The potato is a catastrophe. The thin crispy fine-cut jhoori aloo bhaja. The spicy tart aloo kaabli. The filling for the samosa. Aloo posto with the nutty poppyseed specks. The humble boiled potato mashed with rice and one green chilli. The potato that has sopped up all the delicious flavour in a tender mutton jhol. Civilization, as we know it, stands endangered. [caption id=“attachment_1216567” align=“alignleft” width=“380”] These are truly the best of times and worst of times for Kolkata. BCCI[/caption] Thank god at least we have Sachin in this dark hour. No matter that he went for 10 runs in the first innings, Sachin fever continues unabated. In fact, it’s probably a good thing he didn’t score a century. The overstretched Kolkata police, already scrambling to guard spuds in markets across the city, would have been hard-pressed to contain the wild pandemonium that would have erupted everywhere. The media has already whipped itself into complete hysteria about Sachin. The headlines have acquired a quasi-religious tone. God is at Eden. Devotee and Disciple at Eden. In our Kalyug it seems even Gods must retire. I don’t know if Sachin Tendulkar is lapping up the adulation or discomfited by it. But it’s amazing to see the media spin euphoric front page articles, splashed across five columns, out of very little. Make that less than little. Shutting out the brouhaha, Sachin was calm after the Test-eve nets at the Eden. Back at Taj Bengal, he smiled and nodded when this reporter wished him – “All the best. Enjoy yourself.” That’s it. Out of a wordless smile and nod we can generate reams of excited copy about the “Kohinoor of India’s cricket.” The enthusiasm can sometimes get in the way of spell-check or grammar like the billboards Mahendra Singh Dhoni noticed at Eden: Celebrating Sachine Tendulkars 199th Test Match. Those billboards were hurriedly removed but the fever just keeps heating up with a grand finale promised by none other than the state’s Celebrator-in-Chief, Mamata Banerjee. Didi who loves organizing great celebratory jamborees is promising to do something special and top-secret for Sachin before this test match ends. She is busy right now with the potato crisis. She has even temporarily taken over the agricultural marketing department because the minister Arup Roy is struggling to impose a ceiling on the prices. But even the Great Potato Famine will not keep Didi away from celebrating Sachin. It is as if the entire test match (yes, there is actually a test match going on between two countries) has been turned into an exhibition game to showcase Sachin Tendulkar. Everyone is timing the day they will skip office or school with the day they think Sachin might bat. All cricketers must retire. And the game must, and will, go on. This ecstatic over-the-top goodbye feels like a bloated carnival of excess especially because great cricketers don’t fade away anymore. Sachin will probably be there on our television for years to come mumbling expert commentary for a high price tag. A great cricketer should get a great send-off. But this is not even his final test even if it’s at the hallowed Eden Gardens. Does it really need 199 kilos of rose petals showered on him from light aircraft, a 40 kg sandesh from Balaram Mullick sweetshop, the artist Jogen Chowdhury’s special sketch of the man and a specially composed song approved by the CAB? The Taj Bengal has Sachin-ized its menu offering up the likes of a Behind the Stump (chicken tikka in a croissant) or a Leg Glance (Mumbai style sandwich with spiced potatoes and Cheddar cheese). What is there left for Wankhede to do? Have Lata Mangeshkar sing Jai Ho? Next week Sachin will be gone from Kolkata. The confetti will have been swept up. Some of us will remember this week as the week Sachin Tendulkar played his last test in Kolkata. And others will remember it as the week we lost the aloo in our biryani. Both are life-changing events, one long-dreaded, the other never-imagined. But the lesson is the same. Just because it’s always been there, and has a reputation for being humble, don’t take something for granted. One day it might be gone and then you all you can do is just savour the memory. Of that immaculate Sachin stroke. Or the perfect Chandramukhi aloo.