Didi was the real star at KKR party in Eden Gardens

The Kolkata Knight Riders landed in Kolkata for their grand post IPL felicitation. Unlike 2012 they didn’t parade through the city in an open truck with the trophy and bring the city to a choking standstill. But nonetheless there was no shortage of chaos. Shah Rukh Khan was hours late. He apparently had not even left Mumbai by the time he was supposed to be on his way to the stadium. Meanwhile state sports minister Madan Mitra said a “tsunami” of people had shown up at Eden Gardens far in excess of its 60,000 capacity. The government had tried to organise the grand party in a day and it had clearly bitten off way more than it could chew. It had to call for more riot helmets as thousands, with and without passes, showed up at the event. [caption id=“attachment_1555043” align=“alignleft” width=“380”]  Mamata Banerjee with Juhi Chawla and Shah Rukh Khan in a screen grab from today’s celebrations.[/caption] Before long there were lathi charges, fainting women, police on horses trying to maintain order and broken barricades. Meanwhile in a bit of Nero moment Kolkata’s culturati sang and danced inside the stadium while television split screens showed young men with bleeding foreheads, cowering children and a woman being carried out on a stretcher. “Even 10 Eden Gardens cannot accommodate so many people,” said Mitra. His boss, Mamata Banerjee said the government had learned its lesson and next time the celebrations would be at the Brigade Parade Ground. Finally the event got underway and Didi took charge like an annoyed headmistress fed up with amateurish class monitors viz the Kolkata police. “I can do crowd control better than police,” she quipped though it was not clearly she was entirely joking. Read the names she told the emcee June Malia who was struggling through the long list of player names. The players lined up and got their golden rings from Jagmohan Dalmiya of the CAB. Last time they had gotten necklaces. This time sweets and mangoes. Then the stars and starlets of Tollywood and Tellywood (a new Mamata-ism for television stars) lined up to felicitate the cricketers. There was no explaining as to why Yusuf Pathan got Mimi and Jacques Kallis got Srabanti and Saqib got Hiron. Gautam Gambhir at least got Tollywood’s reigning king Prasenjit. Newly minted MPs like Dev and Moonmoon Sen sadly missed the whole shindig. Juhi Chawla’s main role at this point was shooing fat men away whose girth was blocking the television cameras during the ring ceremony. By the time the emcee had gotten around to the felicitation of the team masseur and physical trainer Mamata had enough. “Chatpat karo (hurry up),” she declared. Luckily at that moment the behatted and ponytailed Shah Rukh finally arrived and all the felicitations finished in a hurry. Didi, still looking mighty annoyed, announced that Gautam Gambhir had a flight to catch so he and Shah Rukh would cut the big cake. The crowd most of whom had been waiting hours without food and drink watched. And then it was time for the promenade with the cup. Shah Rukh will tour the field for our brothers and sisters who have been waiting for so long said Mamata. And then proceeded to get down to the logistics in her inimitable style. “Adivasi brothers and sisters who came to perform sit down. Bandparty thank you bhai sit down. Usha-di take Tellywood Tollywood stars to stage. I request all you to please clear the ground,” announced Didi while Kolkata’s police chief looked on. Finally Didi, Shah Rukh and Juhi lifted the cup. “Truly a divine moment,” gushed the emcee. And the indefatigable Usha Uthup rephrased Don to say defeating KKR was not only difficult, it was impossible. In fact, if there was one star other than Mamata at the stadium it was the irrepressible Usha in her KKR-purple sari who seemed to have been assigned the charge of entertaining the crowd for hours while the real guests ran late. Then it was time to bring down the curtains. “Shah Rukh wants to take a photo. And then we will do national anthem. Because this is a state function,” Didi announced. Priorities. Priorities. And so it ended with confetti and cheers. Shah Rukh Khan told the crowd with their blessings he would be back year after year. Whether the city can take it is another matter entirely.